The Things That Keep Us Apart
by psych21
Summary: AU Lucy and Carter started dating after he stopped being her teacher but their relationship ended badly when she moved across the country. They kept randomly coming back in and out of each other's lives. Now that Lucy is coming back to Chicago, can they get past the things that keep them apart? Features Romano and Elizabeth as well.
1. Chapter 1

The Things That Keep Us Apart

A/N: This is an AU story. The attack never happened to Carter and Lucy. They did start dating after she stopped being his student. Mark and Elizabeth did get married but didn't have Ella and Mark did die. I think that is all that you need to know for now! Hope you enjoy!

Chapter One

"Robert!" Kerry yelled down the hallway. "Robert!"

Romano sighed and turned around to face her, amused by the angry look on her face. He wondered what her problem was now. "What is it Kerry? I'm a little busy."

"Care to tell me how you managed to convince the board to fund your little pet project instead of allowing the money to go to the ER?" Kerry asked as she caught up to him in the hallway.

"Pet project?" He laughed. "You consider a new multi-million dollar research center attached to County a pet project?"

"Yes. I do." Kerry nodded. "That money could have been better spent on renovating the ER and providing more services to the community. You knew I was going to go to the board once I had my plan put together but you went ahead and submitted your own plan first to spite me."

"I did no such thing." Romano argued. "This research center will allow everyone, from med students to attendings, to engage in research that could potentially save countless lives. And that will bring in more donors, which will help the hospital provide more services to the community."

"You really think many people will want to do research here? We aren't a research facility."

"That's exactly what I'm trying to change!" He exclaimed.

"I find it hard to believe that this is a sincere way for you to help the hospital. I believe this a way for you to ingratiate yourself farther with the board." Kerry protested. "That money…"

"That money was donated anonymously and the board was told to do whatever they wanted with it." Romano argued. "I went to the board with this idea because it is something I have been thinking about for a few years now. I can't help it if I had a plan already put together to show them and I'm sure as hell not going to apologize because the board saw the advantages and agreed to fund my idea before you were able to get your plan to them."

"You're an ass, Robert." Kerry yelled.

"Thank you Kerry for keeping it classy as always." Romano chuckled. "But while you don't like my plan for the research center, I'm sure you will like my choice for the director."

"Who did you manage to con into taking the job?" Kerry chuckled. "I'm surprised you didn't recommend yourself for the job and name the whole thing after yourself."

"Are we done here?" Romano sighed. He changed his mind and decided not to tell her who was coming to run it. "I actually do have work to do and I would assume you do as well." Without waiting for her to reply, he turned around and continued to walk away from her. He saw Elizabeth standing at the nurses' station and smiled.

"So another showdown with Kerry?" Elizabeth chuckled.

"Yeah." He sighed. "She hates this idea for the center."

"So I heard." She told him. "Can I ask you something though?"

"Of course."

"Who did you get to take the job? You've been very secretive about it."

He smiled. He had been keeping it quiet. Only the people on the board knew who he was trying to get. Since it was a done deal now, he could tell her. "Lucy Knight."

"Really? Lucy?" Elizabeth's eyes went wide. "But isn't she still in Los Angeles?"

"Not for much longer." He chuckled.

"But how did you manage to get Lucy to come back here?" Elizabeth asked. "She has won awards for her research. She could probably get a job anywhere. Just what did you offer her to get her to come here?"

"I only offered her what she deserved." He told her. "She is excited about this project."

"You know who will be excited about her return?" Elizabeth chuckled.

"Dr. Carter." He sighed, rolling his eyes. "Ugh. Don't remind me. Besides, isn't he still dating Abby?"

"No. Where have you been?" She shook her head. "They broke up about three months ago."

"Crap." He sighed.

"What exactly do you have against Carter? I thought they made an adorable couple during her surgical residency."

"I don't think he is good enough for Lucy." He stated.

"I know you have always had a soft spot for Lucy, but I think that is for her to decide."

"One could argue she already decided that when she left for LA instead of marrying him." He pointed out. "Anyway, you want to go grab some lunch?"

"Sure." She smiled. "You're buying this time."

He laughed. "Of course I am."

* * *

Lucy sighed as she packed up the rest of her office and looked out the window. She would miss several things about living in LA. The sunshine and warm temperatures would be at the top of her list. Her co-workers were nice enough, but she never felt like she clicked with them like she did with her co-workers in Chicago. That was one of the reasons she decided to go back there. She missed the comradery. She thought back to a day a couple of weeks ago when she was in this office and how it changed everything.

 _There was a knock on the door. "Come in!" She said, not looking up to see who it was. "Please make it quick. I'm kind of swamped today."_

" _Do you have any time for an old friend?"_

 _Lucy looked up and smiled as she saw Dr. Romano standing in front of her desk. "Oh my God! Of course I do!" She quickly got up and walked around the desk to give him a hug. "But what are you doing here? Is everything ok?"_

" _Are you having relationship problems with Elizabeth?" She knew that he had started to date Elizabeth a year ago. Every once and a while he would ask her for her female opinion about how to handle the relationship since Elizabeth was a widower and he wanted to be respectful of that._

" _Everything is fine. Lizzie and I are doing well. I came because I have a proposition for you." He said._

 _She motioned for him to sit down and then went back to her seat. "Should I be afraid?" She chuckled._

" _No." He smiled. "County General has become the beneficiary of a ten million dollar anonymous donation."_

" _Wow." She was impressed by that. "That's amazing."_

" _You haven't even heard the most amazing part." He boasted. "The board has approved my plan for the money."_

" _That's wonderful!" She smiled. "What was your plan?"_

" _A research center." He explained. "I want to start the biggest, best research center in Chicago…maybe even in Illinois."_

" _That sounds very ambitious considering County doesn't have much of a research program set up." She told him._

" _I know." Romano nodded. "That was the main reason why we lost you to LA."_

 _It was true. After Lucy finished her rotations, she switched her focus to a surgical residency. Early on, she had an idea for a trauma research study she was interested in pursuing. Romano was on board with it and would have helped her out, but the review board wouldn't approve it because they didn't have the money or resources to accommodate the project._

" _So why did you come all the way out here to tell me about your plan?" She asked, curiosity getting the better of her. He could have Skyped her sent an email. He was up to something._

" _I want you to run the center." He explained._

 _She started to laugh. "That's…that's just…" She then looked at his face. This wasn't a joke, like she first thought. He was serious. It now made sense why he came out here. "Noooo…no no no no no…"_

" _Hear me out." He said with a chuckle. "I know you are semi-happy here in LA with your warm weather, but you belong back in Chicago. You know it and I know it. You've come out here and made a great name for yourself. You're distinguished and have accomplished all that you originally set out to accomplish when you left Chicago. But there is a limit to how far up the chain you can go here, and even if you were able to get a director's job here, it would be at least fifteen to twenty years from now."_

" _I'm offering you what you want right now. You'd have an opportunity to actually form your own center…to build it from the ground up and make your own policies. You would be the one in control of everything. Doesn't that sound good?"_

 _She had to admit it did sound enticing. She knew that the levels of management here and most other places were run by males who didn't think women were as capable as men. She had to work twice as hard for what she wanted here, even though she had published the most articles out of anyone here and had won awards for her work._

 _Being able to direct policy and have control over things sounded too good to be true._

" _It isn't too good to be true." He said._

" _Stop reading my mind." She laughed._

" _Look, the board has approved this plan. I'm going to be opening a top notch research center. You are my first and only choice for this job. I have always believed you are destined for greatness and this is a part of that greatness. The question is, are you going to believe it too and come back? Or do I have to settle for trying to find a designer, knock-off imitation Lucy?"_

" _Can I have my own designated parking spot and a big office with a window?" She asked after a few minutes of thinking._

 _He smiled. "You can have anything you want if you say yes. Is it a deal?"_

" _It's a deal."_

She swore to herself she would never go back to Chicago. But here she was, packing up her home and office so she could move across the country.

She was aware that going back to Chicago and back to County meant she would be seeing a lot of Carter again. That was both a blessing and a curse. It had been about two years since she last saw him, and they didn't end that encounter on good terms.

 _Lucy was walking out of the hospital and towards her car when she heard a familiar voice calling her name. She turned around and saw Carter stand up from a nearby bench. She smiled as he jogged over to her._

" _Carter?" She chuckled. "What on Earth are you doing here?"_

" _I had the weekend off and I thought it's been a while since I've seen you. I thought I would surprise you." He smiled. "Surprise!"_

 _She immediately gave him a hug. "It's so good to see you." She inhaled that signature Carter smell she missed while they hugged and closed her eyes._

" _Are you busy this weekend?" He asked._

 _She pulled away and linked her arm with his. "I am now."_

 _She turned the key to her door and opened it. Flipping the light switch turned on a few lights and she moved out of the way so Carter could come inside._

" _You got a new lamp." He noticed._

" _Yeah. I got it last year." She laughed._

" _I guess it's been a while since I've been here."_

 _It had actually been two years, six months and 18 days since his last visit…not that she was counting or anything. "So how are things going?"_

" _Fine." He shrugged._

" _Really?" She smiled. "You don't normally come here when everything in your life is great."_

" _Nothing big is really wrong." He told her. "Just small things I guess."_

" _Right." She chuckled. "Ok. Well you don't have to tell me what's bothering you. That's never really been what this is anyway."_

 _He came over and gave her a hug. "I missed you Luce."_

" _I missed you too." She said, pulling out of the hug just enough so she could see his face. Before she could stop herself, she reached up and started to kiss him._

 _He responded by picking her up._

 _She giggled. "Do you still remember where the bedroom is?"_

" _I think so." He smiled._

That was the third time he had shown up unexpectedly in LA to surprise her. The other two times went the same way. They spent one to two days acting like horny teenagers who couldn't keep their hands off of each other and didn't talk much. When they did start to talk, they would fight about the same thing and he would storm out to go back to Chicago. They wouldn't talk for a few months but then would get their friendship back again. And the cycle would start over when he came to see her.

That time though, their fight happened the next morning and she hadn't heard from him since. It broke her heart that he never answered her emails or returned her calls. She was nervous about going back and seeing him, but she wasn't going to let that deter her from this opportunity.

She knew from Romano that Carter was dating Abby so she wouldn't make a play for him. She would respect that he was in a relationship now, even though she felt she was ready to try again. But she could at least try to get their friendship back.

* * *

Carter walked into the ER. "Hey Frank."

"Hello Dr. Carter." Frank grumbled before answering the ringing phone.

Carter chuckled and entered the lounge. He saw Abby getting into her locker. "Hey."

She turned and nodded. "Hey Carter."

There was a plastic bag on his locker. He opened it up and found some random stuff.

"Oh yeah, that." Abby said. "I was cleaning out some closets yesterday and found some of your things. I didn't know if you wanted them but it didn't feel right to just throw it out."

"Thanks." He saw that the stuff inside wasn't important to him, but it was nice of her to bring it back to him anyway. He felt bad about the way their relationship ended.

" _So I go to tell this older guy that his wife has died from her heart attack, and he says to me that she wasn't allowed to die first. He said that she was supposed to let him die first because he couldn't live without her. He just kept repeating it over and over again. I felt so bad for him." Carter explained, answering Abby's question of how his day went._

 _Abby put down her pizza and started staring at him._

" _What?" He chuckled, taking a drink of his beer. "Do I have pizza sauce on my face?"_

" _Do you love me like that?" She asked._

" _Like what?"_

" _Like that old man loved his wife?"_

 _He was caught off guard by that question. "Abby…"_

" _What Carter? I think it is a legitimate question." She sighed._

" _I love you." He reassured her._

" _I know that. But do you love me like that man loved his wife?" Abby pushed. "What would you do if I died?"_

" _Whoa. This conversation is taking a very morbid turn." He shook his head. "Can we maybe talk about something else?"_

" _No." She shook her head. "I really want to know. I know you love me. But there are different types of love. I'm curious which one you have for me."_

" _I don't know." He finally admitted. "I'm not sure."_

" _I love you Carter. I really do." She gave him a small smile. "But honestly. I don't have the same kind of all-encompassing love for you like that man had for his wife. And I don't believe you do either."_

 _If he wanted to be honest, he knew she was right. But it seemed like she was getting ready to break up with him, and he didn't want to break up. He wanted a relationship to stick…he wanted stability…he wanted…well he wanted what he apparently couldn't have._

" _I think you used your all-encompassing love for someone else." She said quietly._

" _Abby…" He trailed off because he couldn't even deny it._

 _She chuckled. "See? You can't deny it. Maybe we should end things now while we can still be friends."_

" _I'm sorry." And he was._

" _I know." She told him, reaching over to kiss him on the cheek._

It was rough for the first month of so after they broke up. There were a lot of awkward moments. But now, after three months, they were able to be friends again.

"So I wanted to tell you something before hospital gossip got back to you." Abby said. "Luca and I are dating again."

He nodded, unsure what to say.

"I just wanted you to know that."

"Thank you." He finally replied. "I appreciate it."

"Well…" She stood there. "I guess I'll see you out there."

"Yeah." He nodded. After she was gone, he sighed. Abby had dated Luca for a long time prior to their relationship. If she was happy with Luca, he would be happy for her because Luca was a good man. Now if only he could find and keep a good woman.

He had been in relationships with a handful of women in the last seven years. Each one ended the same way…the woman sensed he didn't love them in a passionate enough way and broke up with him. Many said they felt he wasn't giving them his whole heart. There was nothing he could say in objection to that though because they were right. Half of his heart belonged to someone on the other side of the country and it always would…No matter how badly he wished it didn't and no matter how hard he tried to move on. He always seemed to go back to her.

He shook those thoughts out of his head since he had to get to work. Ever since Mark's death from his brain tumor four years ago, Carter worked hard to follow in his footsteps and set the tone for the ER. Part of that was not letting his personal life interfere with his work zone. So he took a deep breath and went to go see patients.


	2. Like the Ocean

The Things That Keep Us Apart

Chapter Two

One Week Later

"Are you ready for the press conference?" Romano asked Lucy as they sat in his office.

"It's happening in five minutes. Do I really have a choice at this point?" Lucy laughed. "Remind me again why you thought it was such a great idea to have a press conference in the first place?"

"This way it lets everyone know about the great things that you are going to be doing for this community."

"And it lets you rub it in Dr. Weaver's face, right?" Lucy smirked. "Elizabeth told me all about it while we waited for you at the restaurant last night."

"She has a big mouth sometimes." Romano joked. "But yeah. I can't pass up a chance to rub it in her face. That's not the main reason for the press conference though."

"Ok." Lucy sighed. "I'll do it."

He scoffed. "Like you had a choice."

Lucy just shook her head as she followed him out of his office and to the media room. She was surprised by the amount of press he had compiled for this announcement. Cameras started flashing as they took pictures and she was glad that Romano was talking first. Maybe she could use the time to get used to this for a few moments before she had to speak.

"Thank you for coming." Romano started. "Everyone at County General is thrilled and excited about our latest endeavor. Thanks to an anonymous donation, we will be creating a state of the art research center attached to the hospital. This will allow both students and doctors to have a place where they can come and research cutting-edge techniques and procedures."

"Heading up this research center is a massively over-qualified doctor who we are beyond lucky to have back. She was a med student here ten years ago, specializing in surgery. Then she went to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, where she has not only perfected her surgical craft, but completed two highly successful research studies on the subject of trauma surgery. She has also been published in numerous medical journals and has won the prestigious Michael Whitehouse award twice in the past four years. Please help me welcome our new Director of the County General Research Center, Dr. Lucy Knight."

Lucy slowly walked to the podium and reminded herself to stand up straight. "Thank you. I am so very excited to be back in Chicago and working on such a worthwhile project. I truly believe that wonderful advancements in medicine will come from this research center and I can't wait to get started."

"Does anyone have any questions?" Romano asked.

"Do you have a main focus for the types of research the center will focus on?" Came a question from the front row.

"No, not as of yet." Lucy answered. "The goal is to create an environment where all types of research can be pursued."

"With the current climate towards equality for minorities and women in all fields, not just medicine, will preferential treatment be given towards those groups?" Came a question from the back row.

"No." Lucy answered. "We will evaluate all research submissions with the same scrutiny. There will be no preferential treatment given to any individuals or groups."

"Ok, that's enough questions." Romano replied. "There is more information in the press packet you received on your way in. If there are any more questions, please feel free to direct them to the public relations department of the hospital. Thank you."

Lucy followed Romano out of the room and let out a deep sigh.

"There." He smiled. "That wasn't so bad. Right?"

"Sure." She laughed. "Whatever you say."

"You did great." He reassured her. "So what is next on your agenda?"

"I think I'm going to go down to the ER and say hello." Lucy explained. She had been back in Chicago for a couple of days now and had been avoiding that area of the hospital. But it was time to go face everyone.

"So you want to slum it down there?" He laughed, rolling his eyes. "Suit yourself. Just don't take too much time because you have a lot of work ahead of you."

She smiled. "I know. I'll see you later." It didn't take her long to get to the ER. Things looked different since the last time she was here. That was years ago when she came back for Mark's funeral.

 _Lucy had sat in Doc Magoo's with everyone for about four hours after Mark's funeral, reliving their favorite memories of the fallen doctor. But now the group was starting to break apart and she reached for her jacket. She was surprised when Carter grabbed it first and held it open for her to slide her arms into._

" _Thanks." She gave him a small smile._

" _Do you want a ride back to your hotel?" He asked._

" _That would be nice if you don't mind." She said._

" _No, I don't mind at all." He smiled._

 _She waited for him to get his coat on and then they waved goodbye to Doug, Carol, Susan and the rest of the gang._

" _My Jeep isn't too far away." He told her as they walked in the cold, January weather._

" _Good. I forgot how cold Chicago is." She shivered. Since she now lived in LA she no longer had warm coats. Her lightweight coat wasn't doing much to keep her warm._

" _Here." He opened up his coat and pulled her close to him, wrapping the side of the coat around her in an attempt to warm her up more._

" _Such a gentlemen." She marveled._

" _I do try." He laughed. Then he turned serious. "I'm glad you came back for this, Lucy."_

" _I had to." She admitted. "Mark was a great man and a great teacher."_

" _Yeah. I know I learned a lot from him. I still can't believe he is gone."_

" _How is Elizabeth doing?" Lucy asked. "When I talked to her before the funeral she seemed to be holding up fairly well but I couldn't tell if it was just an act."_

" _I think she will be ok." Carter sighed. "It's not like Mark's death was sudden. She had time to try and make peace with it. And at least they got to say their goodbyes."_

" _Yeah."_

 _They got to his Jeep and he held the passenger door open for her before walking over to the driver's side and getting in._

" _I have to admit that I didn't just come to honor Mark's life." She said quietly. "I missed you." It had been several months since he last came to see her in LA._

" _I missed you too." He said just as quietly, grabbing a hold of her left hand while he kept the other hand on the steering wheel. The rest of the drive was quiet so she stared out the window. It didn't take long to get to her hotel._

" _Do you…maybe want to come up with me?" She offered, looking over at him._

 _He sighed. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"_

" _No." She shook her head and chuckled. Then she smiled at him. "But I'm still offering anyway."_

" _I shouldn't…" He trailed off. "But ok."_

She found her way to the lounge and entered, surprised to find it full of doctors. "Hey guys." She greeted with a smile.

"Lucy?" Dave laughed, getting up from the couch to give her a hug. "How are you?"

"I'm good. You? She asked.

"Can't really complain." He smirked.

"Lucy, what are you doing here?" Kerry asked.

"I'm actually working here now." Lucy announced, waving hello to Luca.

"Are you back in the ER?" Dave asked.

"No." Lucy shook her head. "I'm the new director of the research center."

"Shut up!" Dave exclaimed happily. "That's amazing. Congratulations."

"Thanks." She smiled.

"Yeah, congratulations." Kerry replied, though not as enthusiastically. "I should get back out there. Nice to have you back Lucy."

"Thanks." Lucy replied, realizing that the center was a sore subject for Kerry. She wouldn't take the woman's iciness personally. She then went over to sit next to Luca. "So how are things with you?"

"Good." Luca replied. "I'm back with Abby."

"Oh. That's great." Lucy nodded, wondered how that happened. The last time she asked Romano about Carter he told her that Carter was still dating Abby. It made her heart skip a beat at the thought that Carter might be single now.

"Hey Luca…your films on the patient in one came back…" Abby trailed off. "Lucy. Hi."

"Hey Abby." Lucy greeted. "How are you?"

"Great." Abby smiled. "What are you doing back?"

"She's the new director of Romano's research center." Dave announced.

"That's great." Abby nodded. "Congrats."

"I need coffee…" Carter exclaimed, stopping in his tracks when he saw her.

"Hi." She said, giving him a small smile.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

"I'm starting to think I should get a shirt made with the answer to that question." Lucy laughed. "I'm the new director of the research center."

"You know, the one that makes Dr. Weaver seethe with anger every time you mention it?" Dave interjected.

"Yeah. I know the one." Carter nodded, walking over and getting coffee. "Congratulations."

"Thanks." She said.

"So Abby, you said the films are back on my patient?" Luca questioned, standing up.

"Yeah." Abby nodded.

"You want to come with me and check them out?" Luca asked.

"Sure." She quickly followed Luca out of the room.

"So Lucy…" Dave started.

"Do you think maybe you could give Carter and I a moment?" Lucy asked Dave.

"Oh…uh sure." He chuckled. "I get it."

Lucy waited until the room was empty before standing up. "Surprise!" When he didn't respond, she realized her joke had fallen flat. "Carter…"

"I have patients to see." He told her.

"Can we go get coffee sometime?" She asked. "My treat?"

"Why?" He asked.

She could tell by his dismissive tone that this was going to be difficult. He was shutting down and she wasn't sure she would be able to reach him this time. "You never replied to any of my emails."

"I didn't see the point." He told her. "And I figured you would get the hint eventually."

"Can we please talk about what happened?" She asked.

"I don't see how that will change or help anything." He said, looking anywhere but at her. "I should probably get back out there."

She could see the anger and hurt on his face and knew she was the one who put it there. "So is your plan to avoid me forever?"

"I don't have a plan when it comes to you." He chuckled. "In fact, I don't even think about you."

She was hurt by that statement, but decided not to let it show. "Well I think about you." She said quietly.

He sighed. "What do you want from me, Lucy? Do you even know anymore? You're like the ocean. One minute you pull me close and then the next you push me away. Well I'm tired of drowning in you."

"Carter, I'm…"

"Look, it doesn't matter anymore." He shook his head. "It's time we stop this once and for all. This endless, toxic cycle we've engaged in has gone on far too long and one of us needs to stop it. Looks like that will be me. Congratulations on your new job. I'm sure you'll do a fantastic job because you always put 100% of your energy into your career, unlike your relationships."

She watched as he left, unable to say anything. It broke her heart to realize that she had finally, completely lost him. A part of her thought that she got what she deserved though. What he said was true though…she did have a habit of pulling him close and then pushing him away.

* * *

Carter stood on the roof later that night on a break from his shift. He couldn't believe that Lucy was back and seemingly for good this time. She had previously made it seem like she was never going to come back and live in Chicago. So he had to wonder why now all of a sudden she was back. But to find the answer he would have to talk to her again. That was something he wasn't sure he could do.

It took every bit of willpower in his body not to run and hug her this afternoon in the lounge. He was elated that she was back, but he was also conflicted. He felt like he was Charlie Brown and she was his Lucy. Every time he thought they had the slightest chance of working their problems out she would take the football out of the way at the last second and he would fall flat on his butt.

It happened time and time again, but he kept coming back for more. Well not this time. He was done. No matter how badly it hurt…no matter how badly every part of his being told him to hold on to her and never let go…he was done chasing after her. Enough is enough. His pride and his heart couldn't take it anymore. He thought back to the last time he went out to see her in LA.

" _Hmm…morning." Lucy said, snuggling closer to him._

" _Morning." He replied back, kissing her head._

" _What do you want to do today?" She asked._

" _Doesn't matter to me." He watched as she got out of bed and grabbed a short, silk robe to put on over her tank top and underwear. "We can do whatever you want."_

" _Well right now I want to make some coffee." She told him. "You still take one sugar?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _Ok." She nodded. "I'll be right back."_

" _Hey Lucy?" He called out, causing her to turn around when she got to the door._

" _Yeah?" She smiled._

" _I love you." He had been trying to find the perfect time to say it to her, but finally couldn't hold it in any longer. He watched as the smile on her face started to fall._

" _John…"_

 _There weren't many times that she called him by his first name. Lately those times meant she was going to say something he didn't like._

" _What are you doing?" She asked quietly._

" _Lucy…c'mon! You had to have known that I still love you."_

" _Yeah, I thought maybe you did." She told him. "But that's not what this is between us anymore, right?"_

" _Then what is this?" He asked. "Some friends with benefits situation?"_

" _I don't know exactly how to label it and I didn't know we needed to label it!"_

" _Look, I've tried not to love you." He sighed. "I really have. And I've tried to give you the space you said you needed to advance your career. But you're accomplished in your career now and I still love you…"_

" _Please stop saying that." She interrupted._

" _Why?" He asked, starting to get angry. He got out of the bed and walked over to her._

" _What we have now…"_

" _Isn't working for me anymore." He interrupted angrily. "I don't want to just see you every once and a while for a day or two. I want to see you every day. I still want to marry you!" He looked at her face. "But that's not what you want, is it?"_

" _It's complicated."_

" _Then explain." He asked._

" _The last time we were together, we didn't work out…"_

" _Because you wanted to advance your career above all other things…" He yelled._

" _And you proposed to me as a way to manipulate me into staying!" She yelled back. "Just like right now. You propose as a way to get me to do what you want!"_

" _I propose because I love you!" He screamed louder so he could be heard._

" _If you really loved me, you would have tried to understand why I needed to come here. You wouldn't have tried to bribe me!" She yelled._

" _You wouldn't explain it to me. It was like one day you woke up and decided that you needed to leave in order to be successful but you didn't care if you left me behind."_

" _How can you say that?" She exclaimed. "It broke my heart to leave you."_

" _I don't think it really did." He scoffed, finding his pants and putting them on. "I think I've been making a fool out of myself these past few years coming here like this. And I think I should leave." He grabbed his shirt and started putting it on._

" _Please don't leave yet." Lucy said, closing her eyes._

" _Either tell me you love me or explain why you don't." Carter told her. "Those are the ways you can get me to stay." When she was quiet, he sighed. "That's what I thought." He moved to get past her since she was in front of the door but she wrapped her arms around his neck._

" _Please…"_

" _I can't stay here Lucy…" He gently untangled himself from her. Then he left without saying another word to her._

He was telling the truth when he said he wanted to marry her. He went there with a ring and everything. But he got tired of feeling like she was using him. It wasn't a healthy situation and he told himself he would be happier if he could get over her.

So after a while he started to date Abby. He thought that relationship would last because they seemed to have a good thing going. But the shadow of Lucy on his heart prevented their relationship from thriving long term, just like every other relationship he tried to pursue.


	3. Girls Night In

The Things That Keep Us Apart

Chapter Three

Four Months Later

"Are there any more questions before we end this meeting?" Lucy asked the group in front of her. It was time for the monthly check in meeting. All of the people currently conducting research would come to this meeting in order to discuss any roadblocks, failures, concerns or successes they were encountering with their research or the process. She made it mandatory to attend because she wanted to make sure that this felt like a community of researchers instead of just individuals working under the same roof.

There were already twenty-four people who were in various stages of the research process and she felt proud of what she had already accomplished—at least in her career. Carter still wasn't talking to her more than an occasional hello. Some days he wouldn't even look at her. She had tried everything she could think of to get him to talk to her, but nothing was working. It was frustrating and she wondered if maybe she needed to stop trying.

"I have a question." Neela Rasgotra said, half raising her hand. "What is the status on getting another 3D printer?"

"We are still trying to figure out if we can add that expense to the budget." Lucy answered. "I realize only having the one will put some stress on you guys. But we are working on it so I ask for a little more patience.

She looked around the room. "Anything else?"

The group was quiet. "Ok. If you have anything you don't want to ask in front of the group, you know how to reach me." She watched as everyone exited the room. Then she gathered up her stuff and walked out.

"Lucy!"

She turned and saw Elizabeth walk towards her. "Hi."

"What are you doing tonight?" Elizabeth asked.

"I don't have any plans." Lucy replied. "Why?"

"I was wondering if I could invite myself over tonight. I have some things I need to talk through. I need a female perspective. Maybe we could see if Abby could come too?" Elizabeth explained.

Oddly enough, Lucy and Abby had become good friends over the past few months. Before she moved to LA they were friendly towards each other but she wouldn't have considered the woman a friend. Now Abby, along with Elizabeth, were her closest friends.

"So you want to have a girls' night?" Lucy smiled.

"Is that what they are called?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yes." Lucy laughed.

"Then yes." Elizabeth nodded. "I would like to have a girls' night if that's alright."

"I'll check with Abby and make sure she is free." Lucy assured her. "Is everything ok?"

"I'll let you know later, away from the walls of the hospital. The walls seem to have ears, you know…" Elizabeth smiled. "Thank you Lucy!"

Lucy continued on to her office, noticing that Romano was standing outside of it.

"Ah, there you are!" Romano sighed. "I wondered where you ran off to."

"I was at the monthly check in meeting." Lucy explained. "What's up?"

"I was just checking on the progress of the funding for the center." He said.

She motioned for him to come into her office. "I submitted the grant proposals to the National Institute for Health and the National Science Foundation a couple of months ago. I'm just waiting to hear back from them. But you know that could take up to a year to hear back."

"And what kind of progress are you making on raising funds from the movers and shakers of Chicago?"

She sighed. "I have a meeting tomorrow with Millicent Carter. I know she was at the top of your list of who to call for a possible donation, but I highly doubt she will donate given my past relationship with her grandson."

"Lucy, you don't know what that woman will or will not do." Romano told her. "Besides, the Carter family is the top donor of medical causes in Chicago. If you can get a donation from her, you can easily get donations from everyone else on that list."

"I'll try my best, but I doubt anything will come from it." Lucy told him. She was incredibly anxious about meeting with Millicent. "Maybe someone else should meet with her instead. Maybe you could go for me?"

"You are the director of the center. If you are not the person that goes to the meeting with her, it is a sign is disrespect and we definitely won't have a prayer of getting anything. So suck it up and go to the meeting."

"Yes sir." She rolled her eyes.

He laughed at her sass and then walked off.

* * *

Carter stood next to the board, trying to finish his charts so he could go home. He wasn't in a big rush to go home though because his only plans tonight were to grab take out and then go to bed. It was pretty much the same routine he had for the past few months. A small voice in his head told him that it didn't have to be that way…he could always call Lucy and try to do something with her. But if he did that, he would just end up more heartbroken than he already was.

He thought about trying to date again, but there wasn't much use in trying to distract himself with other women. If he had learned anything the past several years, it was that dating other women while still being in love with someone else was a recipe for disaster. So he was resigned to being miserable right now.

As if on cue, he saw Lucy come around the corner. She gave him a small smile when she noticed him and stopped in front of him. He put his head down and looked at the chart.

"Hi Carter." She greeted.

"Hi." He replied gruffly, hoping she would go away.

"How are you?"

"Busy."

"Ok." She sighed. "I'll see you later."

He was both relieved and frustrated when she took the hint and left him alone. It wasn't that he wanted to be mean to her. It was just complicated. For the past few months she would always try to talk to him and he wasn't sure why. She obviously didn't love him. If she did, she would have said so during his last visit to LA. So what kind of a game was she playing? Did she just want to torture him? If that was her goal, then she was excelling at it.

He turned his head to see where she had gone and saw that Lucy had moved on to talking to Abby. That was concerning to him on so many levels. Of course they were free to be friends if they wanted to, but it was just odd to him that they seemed to become such good friends.

* * *

"Are you busy tonight?" Lucy asked.

"No." Abby shook her head. "Luca works all night. Why?"

"Elizabeth wants to have a girls' night in at my place." Lucy explained. "I told her I would see if you were free."

"Yeah." Abby nodded. "Why not?"

"Great." She smiled. "Is eight alright?"

"Sure. So I saw you trying to talk to Carter…"

"He hates me." Lucy sighed. "I don't blame him, but it still hurts. Anyway, I should let you get back to work. I'll see you later."

"Ok. Bye."

* * *

Lucy heard the knock on the door and hurried to open it. She saw Abby and Elizabeth on the other side. "Hey!"

"Hi." Abby greeted.

"Did you guys come together?" Lucy asked.

"No." Elizabeth shook her head. "We just got here at the same time."

"Well come on in!" Lucy moved out of the doorway. "I have popcorn made, chocolate is out and pizza is on its' way…all the staples of a successful girls' night in."

"I really appreciate you both dropping everything to accommodate me like this." Elizabeth said, sitting on the couch.

"I didn't have any plans so it wasn't difficult for me." Abby replied.

"The only thing I had on my list to do tonight was go over my presentation for my Millicent Carter meeting for the millionth time and I didn't want to do that anyway. So you actually saved me." Lucy laughed.

"Oh yeah…" Elizabeth nodded. "You have the donation meeting with her tomorrow, don't you?"

"Yeah and I'm not looking forward to it." Lucy sighed. "But that's not what we are here to discuss. You said you had some issues going on?"

"Yes." Elizabeth nodded. "So as you know, Robert and I have been dating for quite some time now. It's been almost two years actually…and well he wants me to move in with him."

"That's good news though, right?" Abby asked.

"Yes." Elizabeth nodded. "He also wants to marry me."

"He proposed?" Lucy smiled at the thought of two of her closest friends getting married. "That's wonderful!" She did wonder why he didn't mention that when he was in her office this afternoon though.

"Is it wonderful though?" Elizabeth questioned. "Don't get me wrong. I love Robert. I really do. We get along well. He understands how much I love my work and I understand his commitment to his work. We respect each other and support each other…"

"But…" Abby chuckled.

"But does that necessarily mean we have to get married?" Elizabeth asked.

"Does this hesitance have to do with Mark?" Abby asked.

"Of course it does!" Elizabeth sighed. "I feel guilty even thinking about marrying another man. I wonder if it is too soon…if it is disrespectful to Mark. Then I also worry about whether I'm even ready to get married again. Losing Mark was devastating to say the least. I gave him my whole heart and soul, and then he died. I don't know if I can go through something like that again."

"I think it is understandable to be hesitant to jump in again." Abby said. "But I also think if you love Romano and he loves you, you should go for it. Right, Lucy?"

Lucy had been thinking about everything Elizabeth had been saying. It made sense for her to be gun-shy about getting married again. Marriage was a big commitment and not something to be entered into lightly. She could also understand how she felt she was betraying Mark by marrying again.

"You've been rather quiet." Elizabeth noted. "What are your thoughts?"

"Well, like Abby, I think what you are going through is perfectly normal. But Mark died several years ago. It's not like you are remarrying two months after his death. You have taken your time to work through your grief and you didn't jump into a relationship right away. I also don't think that Mark would have wanted you to be alone for the rest of your life." Lucy explained.

"No." Elizabeth agreed. "You're right. He would want me to happy."

"I guess the question you have to ask yourself is what will make you happy?" Lucy pointed out.

"Do you want to get married again?" Abby asked.

"I guess I hadn't thought much about it, to be honest." Elizabeth sighed. "The whole thing caught me off-guard."

"Perhaps you could agree to move in and then ask for some time to think about the proposal?" Lucy suggested. "If you are honest with him about why you need some time, I'm sure he will understand."

"That's a good idea." Elizabeth smiled. "Thank you."

There was a knock on the door. "That must be the pizza!" Lucy got up and headed to the door.

* * *

About an hour later, they were all sitting on the floor around the coffee table. The pizza was almost gone and they were eating popcorn now.

"So how are things with you and Luca?" Lucy asked Abby.

"They are good." Abby replied.

"You look surprised by that." Elizabeth laughed.

"I guess I am." Abby sighed, looking over at Lucy. "The first time Luca and I got together, I wasn't in the right frame of mine for a long term relationship. I was still carrying around the demons from my failed marriage to Richard and I thought that I was never going to be happy because of my screwed up family. Then the last relationship I was in I didn't feel totally comfortable because I knew it wasn't going to be long term…"

Abby trailed off and Lucy knew why. "I'm sorry." Lucy apologized. She and Abby had talked about Abby's relationship with Carter once before about how they broke up because Abby knew that Carter was still in love with Lucy. She felt bad for ruining Abby's relationship with Carter.

"It's really ok." Abby assured her. "I loved Carter…it just wasn't the right kind of love."

"And with Luca it is?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yeah." Abby nodded with a smile. "I believe it is."

"I'm happy for you guys." Lucy smiled at her friends.

"So what are we going to do to get you to be happy?" Elizabeth asked.

"I'm happy." Lucy laughed nervously.

"Are you really?" Abby asked, looking at her skeptically.

"I'm happy-ish." Lucy admitted. "That's good enough for now."

"What exactly happened between you and Carter?" Abby asked. "Every time I asked him, he shut down and wouldn't talk about it. There were rumors that he proposed before you left."

"He did." Lucy nodded. "But I didn't think he was serious."

"Why not?" Elizabeth asked.

"He proposed by yelling 'marry me' during an argument about my moving to LA." Lucy explained. "It felt like a last ditch effort to get me to stay instead of a genuine desire."

"So is he still angry because you said no and moved to LA? Is that why he won't talk to you?" Elizabeth asked.

Abby shook her head. "That doesn't make a lot of sense though because he didn't seem mad at you when you came back for the funeral."

Lucy shook her head. "He is mad for a different reason." She debated whether to explain it all, ultimately deciding to let some of it out. "The time I came back for Mark's funeral wasn't the only time I saw him after I moved to LA. He actually came out to see me three other times."

"Really?" Elizabeth questioned.

"Yeah." Lucy nodded. "Each time was the same…he would just show up unannounced. We would have a bunch of sex, have the same argument we always had and then he would leave. We wouldn't talk for a while and then all of a sudden we would start emailing and texting. Then he would show up announced again. It was a cycle that we couldn't seem to break until the third time."

"What happened then?" Abby asked.

"He basically proposed again in the middle of an argument." She replied. "And he felt like I was using him. He walked out and wouldn't talk to me." She looked over at Abby. "That was about two months before he started dating you."

There was a silence that fell around the room until Abby spoke again. "Well were you using him?"

"I've asked myself that question a lot." Lucy explained. "I didn't think I was at the time. I mean, it wasn't like I asked him to come to LA any of those times. He just showed up. But then I thought about it more and I realized that I wasn't being fair to him. I thought we were just having fun because we were both single and we have amazing chemistry together in bed. But he thought differently. So maybe I did end up using him."

"Lucy, do you love him?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yes." She answered honestly. "I've loved him this whole time."

"I don't understand. If you love him and he loves you, then what is the issue?" Abby asked.

"It's complicated." Lucy shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it."

She noticed Abby and Elizabeth exchange glances.

"Are you sure?" Elizabeth asked gently.

"Yup." Lucy nodded, getting up and starting to pick up the trash. "I'm sure."

"Maybe we should go." Elizabeth said.

"Yeah." Abby agreed.

She watched as Abby and Elizabeth gathered their stuff and headed to the door. She followed them. "I'm sorry. I just am not ready to talk about everything right now."

"It's fine." Elizabeth assured her.

"Yeah." Abby nodded in agreement.

As soon as they were gone, she leaned against the door and closed her eyes. She felt bad for shutting down on them, but she wasn't lying when she said she wasn't ready to talk about it.


	4. The Carter Family

The Things That Keep Us Apart

Chapter Four

Lucy stood outside the massive Carter family house, almost afraid to knock. Although she had been here a couple of times in the past, she still felt just as nervous as the first time she was here. At least back then she had Carter with her.

But she took a deep breath, smoothed out imaginary wrinkles from her suit jacket and rang the doorbell.

It didn't take long for the door to open. "Hello. I'm here for a meeting with Millicent Carter."

"Oh yes." The woman smiled kindly. "You must be Lucy Knight. She was expecting you and told me to show you to the study."

Lucy followed the woman through the halls of the house until they got to the study. It was a very ornate room with a lot of wood paneling. There was expensive art on the walls and several small decorations that she was certain where worth a ton of money. The whole décor of the room made her feel incredibly self-conscious and she tried to calm herself so she didn't have an anxiety attack.

"Mrs. Carter will be with you momentarily." The woman said. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"No thank you." Lucy smiled. She watched the other woman leave. If Millicent was going to be a couple of minutes, she decided it couldn't hurt to look around the room. She started in the corner and looked at the bookshelf. It amazed her that there seemed to be so many first editions in the collection. She took out a first edition of "Peter Rabbit".

"That one is John's favorite."

Lucy looked over and saw Millicent Carter standing three feet away from her. "I'm sorry." She quickly put the book back.

"It's perfectly fine." Millicent smiled. "It's a shame to have those books and yet no one ever touches them."

"Because they are antiques." Lucy pointed out.

"True, but books are meant to be enjoyed." Millicent sighed. "I'm afraid that collection was my late husbands' pride and joy. I never understood the reasoning behind collecting several different editions of the same book. But enough about that." She pointed to the couch. "Please, have a seat."

"Thank you so much for meeting with me today." Lucy said as she sat on the couch and saw the older woman sit in a nearby chair.

"I couldn't pass up the chance to talk to you when you called to set up the meeting." Millicent replied. "How have you been?"

"Um, alright." Lucy replied. Millicent was being nice to her…almost too nice to her. "And you?"

"Oh I'm fine." Millicent smiled. "I believe if I'm not mistaken you ended up going to Los Angeles, am I correct?"

"Yes." Lucy nodded. "I went to work at Cedars-Sinai hospital."

"And you came back recently to run this research center?" She asked.

"Yes." Lucy nodded, handing her the packet. "All of the information about the center is in this packet. But basically we are trying to build a reputable, first-class research center at County General. Right now we have two dozen researchers working on all kinds of different projects and the hope is that…"

"Alright dear." Millicent interrupted. "I get it."

The smile on Lucy's face faltered slightly when Millicent interrupted her. That was usually a bad sign. She knew that coming here was a bad idea. There was no way Carter's grandmother was going to donate money to the woman who broke her grandson's heart. All she was doing here was wasting her time.

"I can read the packet and learn about the center later. I assume everything I need to know about it is in there." Millicent told her. "What I can't do later is talk to you."

That statement made her incredibly nervous.

"I have made a conscious effort to stay out of interfering in John's life the past several years. I have been trying to trust him to make his own decisions; however, I figure I can make an exception every now and then. What is going on between you two?"

"Nothing is going on between us." Lucy answered honestly. "He actually won't even talk to me."

"What happened between you two?" Millicent asked. "You seemed so happy. Then all of a sudden he told me you broke up and moved to LA."

"It was complicated." Lucy shrugged. "But the main reason was because I couldn't do the research I wanted to do here at County. It's why I'm so passionate about the research center now."

"I remember that being an obstacle." Millicent nodded. "Was there something else? Lucy, dear, anything you tell me will stay between us. I promise."

There was something kind in Millicent's eyes that made her trust the woman. After all, she never had a bad encounter with this Carter family member. "There were several issues other than the research that led to us breaking up. One of them was was happened the night of the Foundation Ball."

" _Are you sure this is a good enough dress?" She asked Carter in a whisper as they stood outside the door of the Carter residence._

" _You look absolutely stunning." He smiled, leaning over to give her a kiss. "Don't be nervous."_

" _How did you know?" She giggled._

" _I know you, Lucy Knight." He smirked. "So don't be nervous. It's just Gamma and she already adores you. You have nothing to worry about."_

" _Ok." She conceded, holding her hands up in defeat._

 _The door opened to reveal a man in a tux._

" _Dad?" Carter gasped. "What are you doing here?"_

" _Your mother and I arrived in town earlier today." He said. "Though if we had remembered the Foundation Ball was tonight, we would have delayed and gotten here tomorrow."_

" _Wonderful." Carter said unenthusiastically._

" _Who is this?"_

 _Carter took a hold of Lucy's hand. "This is my girlfriend, Dr. Lucy Knight. Lucy, this is my father, Jack Carter Jr."_

" _It's nice to meet you." Lucy smiled. Carter hadn't told her much about his parents, just that they weren't around for him much after his brother died._

" _You better get inside so we can leave soon. We don't want to be late for our own ball." Jack said, not waiting for them before walking further inside the house._

" _This is going to be a nightmare." Carter sighed. "I'm so sorry."_

" _For what?" Lucy laughed._

" _Oh you'll see." Carter chuckled. "Do you want to make a break for it while we can?"_

" _No." She shook her head. "Your grandmother is expecting us."_

" _She'll understand." He told her._

" _No. We should go in."_

" _I'll find a way to make it up to you."_

" _Your parents can't be that bad."_

Those were Lucy's famous last words.

"I sometimes wonder where I went wrong with Jack." Millicent pondered. "At the time I thought that sending him to boarding school was the right thing to do. Everyone in our social class was doing the same thing. It was the socially acceptable norm. But it only made him resentful and bitter. Of course then he married Eleanor, who was all wrong for him and has made him miserable."

She sighed. "They treated John terribly after Robert died. They hardly paid him any attention and rarely showed any affection. Did something happen between John's parents and you that night?"

"Yeah." Lucy nodded. "You could say that."

 _Carter and Lucy got off the dance floor and were heading to their table when Jack came up to them._

" _Son, why don't you come with me? Let's get a drink and catch up." Jack suggested._

" _Uh, actually I don't want to leave Lucy alone here." Carter refused._

" _I'll be fine." Lucy assured him with a smile. "Go talk to your father."_

 _Carter sighed and kissed Lucy on the cheek. "I won't be long."_

 _She watched as they went off together. It was nice that they were going off to catch up. She turned around to find Eleanor right behind her. She jumped._

" _Did I startle you?" Eleanor asked._

" _A little." Lucy chuckled._

" _Are you having a good time?"_

" _Yes." Lucy nodded. "This place is beautiful and Millicent really knows how to throw a good fundraiser."_

" _Have you ever been to a fundraiser before?" Eleanor asked._

" _Well, not one like this…"_

" _Let me ask you this." Eleanor interrupted. "What have you done in your life?"_

" _What do you mean?" Lucy asked, confused by the question._

" _I mean, you aren't from a wealthy family so that is a strike against you right off the bat." Eleanor replied. "So other than being a doctor, what have you done? Do you have any accomplishments at all that would make you worthy of being with a Carter?"_

" _I…"_

" _You don't, do you?" Eleanor scoffed. "I guess I should be thankful he isn't out dating strippers, but at least they usually have ambitions. Do you have any ambitions or are you just happy being a plain old doctor? Or are you trying to marry my son so you can stop being a doctor, trap him with a few kids and just stay home all the time?"_

" _I love being a doctor. I wouldn't want to give that up."_

" _So if you and my son ever got married and had kids you would have nannies raise them?" Eleanor asked. "And how would you ever balance a family, a job and the responsibilities of the Carter family? Do you even know everything that we do on a day to day basis?"_

" _No, but…"_

" _I'm talking right now." She interrupted. "I'm sorry to tell you this, but you are not the right fit for this family. I doubt you have what it takes to be a Carter."_

" _I'm not trying to…"_

" _You may say that, but I know your kind." Eleanor replied. "If I had to guess, I would say you probably grew up with a single mom…most likely you didn't know your father…maybe he left or died at a young age. That I can't tell for sure. You probably lucked your way into med school and survived with sheer pluckiness. But you are not very self-confident and worry a lot. Am I close?"_

 _It was spooky how spot-on his mother was. She stayed quiet, not wanting to give her any more ammunition against her._

" _I'm right, aren't I?" She smirked. "Nice to know I still have that talent. Here is the point though. You're nothing. You come from nothing and will always be nothing. But John, he is everything. He is already more accomplished than you could ever hope to be and you are completely out of his league because you have nothing to offer him except your looks-which will eventually fade away. One day he will inherit all of this and he will need someone by his side who understands this world, not someone who can easily be impressed by a decorated ballroom."_

 _Lucy had enough and sighed. "Look, I love your son. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I'm not going to stand here and listen to you…"_

" _John!" Eleanor smiled._

 _Lucy took a deep breath and turned around, putting a fake smile on her face as well._

" _Lucy, can I steal you away for a moment?" Carter asked, looking at his mother and then her._

" _Certainly." Lucy nodded._

" _We aren't done talking dear." Eleanor said._

 _Lucy turned to face his mother. "Actually I think we have both said all we need to right now." She then turned back to Carter and grabbed his hand._

"Did you tell him what his mother said to you?" Millicent asked.

"No." Lucy shook her head. "He asked several times but I didn't want to cause problems between them so I stayed vague."

"You shouldn't have protected her like that." Millicent sighed. "That woman is a she-witch."

Lucy couldn't help but giggle. "You won't hear any argument from me about that. I would be lying if I said his mother's words didn't creep into my head and make me doubt our relationship."

"You shouldn't have let her get into your head like that." Millicent told her. "That's exactly what she wanted."

"I know." Lucy nodded.

Millicent sighed. "You must come to the Carter Foundation Ball tomorrow night."

Lucy laughed until she realized it wasn't a joke. "No. I'm sorry but…"

"My son and his horrid wife won't be there. They haven't shown their faces around here in over three years ever since I announced that I have cut them out of my will and given everything to John." Millicent interrupted.

"It's not just that." Lucy told her, surprised by that knowledge of the change in the will. She wondered how Carter felt about being the heir apparent. "He won't want me there."

"It's too bad." Millicent laughed. "He doesn't get to decide the guest list. Besides, I plan on telling you my answer about a donation tomorrow night at the ball and you can mingle with the Chicago elite and make more contacts for possible donations."

"Why are you being so nice to me? I basically broke your grandson's heart when I left." Lucy asked without thinking.

"Whether he wants to admit it to anyone or even himself, you are still important to him." Millicent replied. "That makes you important to me. So I will see you tomorrow night?"

"Yes." Lucy nodded.

* * *

Later that day, Lucy was in her office when Romano busted in.

"What the hell did you say to Lizzie?" He exclaimed angrily, slamming the door.

She looked at him strangely. "Seriously? Hello to you too."

"What did you say to her last night at your little girl party?" Romano asked.

"What makes you think you can barge in here and start yelling at me?" Lucy asked, trying to yell.

Romano sighed. "I'm sorry." He then sat down. "She came by this morning and told me that she would move in with me but wasn't sure she could give me an answer about the marriage proposal. I just assumed that since she met with you and Abby last night that you…"

"That I what?" Lucy interrupted. "That I talked her out of marrying you?"

"Well you don't exactly like the prospect of marriage."

"That's not even true! Look, if you are going to be like this, then you can get the hell out of my office." She told him. "I'm not in the mood to deal with whatever this is that's going on with you right now."

He sighed again. "You're right. I shouldn't be taking it out on you. I just thought that you would steer her towards marrying me."

"Well I thought you would have told me you proposed." She countered with a smirk. "So maybe that makes us even?"

"Touche." He nodded.

"Did she explain why she hasn't giving you an answer yet?" Lucy sighed.

"No. Her pager went off and she had to come in early. I've been avoiding her all day."

"Oh. You're an idiot." Lucy laughed. "You're a real idiot and a jerk today. She has a legitimate reason for not giving you an answer yet and, before you ask, no I won't tell you what it is because it isn't my place to do so. But just be prepared to feel like an idiot."

"So you didn't try to talk her out of marrying me?" He asked.

"No." She scoffed. "Why would I do that? I think you guys make a great couple."

"I don't know." He chuckled. "Maybe because I'm an idiot."

"And a jerk." She smiled. "Don't forget that."

"And I'm a jerk." He smiled. "Forgive me?"

"Of course." She nodded. "I'd be a pretty terrible friend if I didn't."

"I guess I should stop avoiding her then."

"That would be the first good idea you've had today." She laughed.

"Hey, how did the meeting with Millicent go today?"

"Ugh." Lucy sighed. "All she wanted to talk about was me and my relationship with Carter. I left her the packet and she insisted that I attend the Carter Foundation Ball tomorrow. She said she would give me her answer then."

"Do you think there is any chance she will donate?"

"I don't honestly know." She shrugged. "Hey, you don't want to by any chance go with me tomorrow night, do you?"

Romano snorted. "No. Sorry, but fancy parties are not exactly my favorite thing."

"You could come and help point out some of the big shots in the Chicago scene so I can network with them and get donations for the center." She pointed out.

"Sorry Lucy. As much as I want to help you, I'm not going tomorrow."

"But I don't want to go alone." She told him.

"You'll be fine." He assured her. "I promise."

"Yeah yeah yeah." She sighed. "Just go find Elizabeth and talk to her."

"Alright." He said, getting up. "I'll talk to you later."

* * *

Carter was getting into his Jeep to go home when his cell phone rang. He got in and closed the door before answering. "Hello Gamma."

"Hello John. Is this a bad time?"

"No." He replied. "I just got off work."

"Good. I was calling to remind you about the Foundation Ball tomorrow." She continued. "You didn't forget, did you?"

"No." He sighed. "But do I really have to go this year?"

"Yes." She told him. "I need you there. Besides that, you haven't been coming around much lately and I miss seeing you."

"I could always come by later this week instead." He suggested.

"No. I'll see you tomorrow." She laughed. "Goodnight John."

"Goodnight Gamma."

Going to the Foundation Ball tomorrow night was the last thing he wanted to do. He didn't have a date and he didn't want to stand around and mingle with people he didn't care about for several hours. Last year he went with Abby, and it was alright. But it wasn't as fun as the one he went to with Lucy. It was too bad his parents had to be there.

He was certain then and was still certain now that his mother said something to Lucy that upset her. But no matter how many times he asked her, Lucy always said they were just having a friendly chat. Other than that though, they had a good time that night.

" _I'm not sure we are supposed to be out here and I'm really not sure we were supposed to take a whole bottle of champagne." Lucy whispered as they walked through the garden._

" _No, it's fine. They'll never miss it." He assured her. They were now far from the ballroom and there was no one in sight. They found a bench and sat down next to each other. He then got to work on opening the bottle, causing some to spray out the top. "Glasses please."_

 _She held out the two glasses so he could pour some in. Then he sat down the bottle and grabbed a glass._

" _I propose a toast." He smiled, facing her._

" _Ok. To what?" She smiled._

" _To you…to me…and to us. Hopefully this is the first of many occasions like this where you come with me."_

 _They clanked their glasses together and took a sip. He watched as she practically downed the whole glass in one sip. He then took the glass from her and set them down. "Care to dance?"_

" _Why certainly." She smiled, getting up with him._

" _Thank you for coming with me tonight." He said, keeping her as close as possible to his body._

" _You're welcome."_

" _I know it was a shock to meet my parents. It wasn't fun for me to have them here either."_

" _It's fine." She shrugged._

" _I love you Lucy. You know that, right?"_

" _I know." She smiled. "And I love you too."_


	5. I'm Done

The Things That Keep Us Apart

Chapter Five

Lucy took a deep breath before entering the ballroom of the hotel. She really didn't want to go tonight but she had to in order to hear Millicent's answer. She thought about giving Carter a heads up that she was coming tonight, but he was off today. Briefly, she considered texting him. But she ultimately decided not to. She wasn't here to see him, though she did hope he would talk to her. It was a long shot though. There was a part of her that wondered why she even bothered anymore. But there was one simple reason.

She loved him.

The ballroom was busy. She didn't remember this many people from the last time she came to this, but that was several years ago. A lot had changed since then. She decided to walk around, because it seemed like the best way to find Millicent. She could also network while she was looking for the woman.

"Would you like some champagne?" A waiter asked, placing the tray in front of her.

"Thank you." She smiled, taking a glass. She then continued to roam around somewhat aimlessly.

* * *

Carter entered the ballroom. Looking at his watch, he figured he could probably get in and out of this party in a little over an hour. He would mingle, make sure he spoke to several of Gamma's friends so she would know he did in fact mingle, find Gamma, speak to her and then leave. If he was really lucky he could get out in less than an hour.

He started to roam around the ballroom. He thought he heard a familiar laugh and turned to the direction it was coming from. Sure enough, standing about fifteen feet away from him was Lucy. She was talking to a group of people and laughing at what he assumed was someone's joke.

The only thought that ran through his mind was what the hell was she doing here? He couldn't help but stare at her. After a moment or two, she looked up and they locked eyes. The smile that was on her face faltered and he saw her bite her lip. That was something she did when she was especially nervous.

He knew that if he stayed where he was, she would come and try to talk to him. So he turned and started to walk through the crowd. He weaved and bobbed through the crowd, thinking that if he could get lost in the ballroom he wouldn't have to talk to her.

Finally he made his way to the bar. "Scotch please." He was waiting for his drink when she came to stand next to him. She didn't say anything at first and he wasn't sure what to say either.

"You're grandmother invited me yesterday, in case you were wondering." She finally spoke.

"I wasn't." He lied, downing his scotch in one big gulp.

"Ok." She sighed.

"Why are you talking to Gamma in the first place?" He finally looked over at her. She wore a strapless black and white gown. Her hair was curled and she looked gorgeous. But he pushed that thought aside. If he just stayed angry with her then maybe it wouldn't hurt so badly.

"I had a meeting with her to see if she wanted to donate to the research center." Lucy answered.

He laughed. "So now you will take her money but you wouldn't do it years ago?"

"This is different…"

"No." He shook his head. "No, it's not that different. You're the biggest hypocrite I've ever met, Lucy." He remembered a conversation they had shortly before she moved to LA.

" _So I was talking to Gamma today…" Carter said as he watched Lucy put away groceries._

" _Oh yeah?" She said, turning to him. "How is she?"_

" _She is good." He nodded, watching her go back to putting things in the fridge. "I told her about how County doesn't have enough money to support your research study and how that is making you look at moving…"_

" _Carter…"_

" _She said she would gladly give you a check for whatever you needed to get the study done."_

" _Please tell me you are kidding." She sighed, closing the fridge._

" _No." He shook his head. "What is wrong with taking her money to get your research done? She donates to medical causes all the time."_

" _It's just wrong!" She exclaimed. "God, I can't believe you actually went to her for that!"_

" _Well excuse me for trying to keep my girlfriend in the same state as me!" He yelled. "What the hell was I thinking? Of course I should just stand back and do nothing while you explore other options that will take you far away from me."_

 _She closed her eyes for a second and then came over to give him a hug. "Look, I love you. I don't want to leave you, but I also don't want start out my career taking money from your grandmother. Do you know how that looks?"_

" _I don't care how it looks and neither should you!" He told her, pulling away from her._

" _I have to get this research study started on my own merits, not because I know someone rich who doesn't mind taking a risk on me."_

" _This is the perfect scenario though. You still get to do your research and we don't have to be separated. It's a win-win."_

" _Maybe for you." Lucy sighed. "But not for me. I don't know why that is so hard to understand."_

" _It's because it feels like you are slowly and voluntarily slipping away from me." He replied, walking out of the apartment._

"Wow." She sighed. "This was a good talk, Carter…truly it was."

Her words brought him back to the present. "What do you expect from me?" He asked, looking over at her.

"I don't know." She shrugged. "I know what I want is too much to ask for, but apparently we can't even be friends anymore…which sucks. And I know that it's basically my fault. I know I messed everything up and I know that you clearly hate me now but damn it do you really have to be so dismissive all the time?"

He didn't know what to say to that. He wanted to ask what it was she wanted. But he was afraid of the answer and what he might do. He wanted to tell her that he didn't hate her. He hated himself because he was unable to hate her. He wanted to apologize for being such a jerk to her since she came back. But he couldn't do any of that. So he took a deep breath instead.

"Never mind." Lucy said softly. "What do you want from me, Carter? What do you want me to do? Do you want me to just leave you alone and pretend you don't exist? Do you want me to walk on hot coals? Apologize until I'm blue in the face? What can I do?"

"There's nothing you can do." He told her. "And I would love it if you could leave me alone. No more coming over and asking how I am or exchanging pleasantries all the time. I don't want to see you, I don't want to hear you and I sure as hell wish you hadn't moved back from LA."

None of that was entirely truthful and he regretted saying it immediately afterward, especially when he saw her face. She looked like she was about to cry and he sighed. He said that stuff to hurt her, to make her hurt like he was hurting.

Mission accomplished. So why did it make him feel worse?

"Ah, there you are." Millicent said, coming over with a smile on her face. "You are just the two people I was looking for."

"Hello Gamma." He greeted, kissing her cheek.

"Hello John." Millicent greeted. "Lucy, is everything alright?"

"Everything is great." Lucy said with a smile on her face.

Gamma looked convinced that things were ok. He could tell it was a fake smile though.

"Well I wanted to talk to you about the research center." Millicent continued.

"You don't need me here for this, Gamma so I think I'm going to…"

"Stay, John." She commanded. "This concerns you too."

Frustrated that his attempt to leave this situation was foiled, he waved the bartender down to get another scotch.

"So, Lucy, I have reviewed everything you sent in the packet and I must say you have taken on quite a large responsibility. The goals you have set for yourself are extremely high. I commend you on your ambition. That is why I am prepared to donate five million tonight."

"Really?" Lucy asked, a real smile forming on her face. "Thank you! Thank you so much!"

"There is one thing though." Millicent chuckled, looking over at him. "John, it's time you start taking a more active role in the foundation. Whether you want to admit it or not, I will not live forever and I want you to be as prepared as possible for when you take this over. So I am appointing you the liaison between the center and the foundation. I want you and Lucy to meet bi-weekly and then you give me a progress report on how the center is doing. If at the end of the year you have met the goals you outlined in the packet, I will donate an additional fifteen million."

"Gamma, I'm all for learning about the foundation, but I don't think…"

"It's done, John." Millicent interrupted. "Either you agree to this or I pull all current and future donations from the Center. So what will it be?"

"With all due respect, I'm not sure that having Carter be the liaison is the best…" Lucy started to say.

"I don't need you to speak up for me." He interrupted her angrily. "I can speak for myself."

"I was just trying to be nice." She held her hands up in defeat.

"I know exactly what you are trying to do and it won't work." He told her. He quickly grabbed the second scotch and downed it.

"So what have we decided?" Millicent asked, looking at him and then Lucy.

"I'll do it." He sighed. He really didn't think he had a choice. It wouldn't be fair to keep the research center from getting donations just because he had issues with Lucy. Besides, maybe he could talk to Gamma alone later and get her to change her mind. There had to be something else he could do to be a part of the foundation.

"Wonderful!" Millicent smiled. "I'm glad that is all settled now. Lucy, I will have that check to you soon. John, I look forward to your first report next week."

"Thank you." Lucy smiled.

"You're quite welcome dear. John, be sure to see me before you leave tonight."

"Yes Gamma." He told her. After Gamma left, he tried to leave too. Lucy lightly grabbed his arm.

"I'm sorry that you got stuck being the liaison. But really, thank you for agreeing so that we didn't lose the donation." She told him.

He pulled his arm from her grasp. "I want to be clear that I didn't do it for you. I think the center is a good idea and something we need at County. It isn't its' fault that you are the director so it wouldn't be fair to penalize it just because I can't stand to be around you. If the center doesn't work out, it won't be because I stood in the way of the money supply. It will be from poor management."

He heard himself say the words and immediately regretted it. But it was too late now.

Lucy crossed her arms over her chest and scoffed. "You know, I've tried to be nice. I've tried to be humble and accommodating. I've thrown myself under the bus time and again because I know that I've hurt you really badly. But that doesn't give you the right to treat me like this all the time."

"Like what?" He chuckled.

"Like an asshole."

"Oh that's rich. So now I'm the one hurting your feelings?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "You are."

"Well then maybe you'll have just a small idea of what I've had to go through." He said. Hearing himself, he realized he was being a jerk and wanted to stop. But it was like he couldn't help himself. The words just kept flowing from his mouth.

"I've apologized over and over again but it will never be enough for you, will it?" She sighed. "Fine. You know what? I'm going to tell your grandmother not to give me the donation anymore because I can't work with you."

"No." He objected. "I'm the one who can't work with you!"

"Do you know how juvenile that sounds?" She laughed.

"I don't care!" He yelled.

"Whatever." She shrugged. "Look, I'm not playing this game where we try to see who can hurt the other one more. I'm done."

"What does that even mean?" He sighed.

"It means I'm done. You want me out of your life that badly? Fine. I'm out. I'll call your grandmother tomorrow and refuse the donation."

She paused for a moment. "I know I hurt you. I know I've made numerous mistakes when it comes to you and our relationship. The biggest mistake I made was letting you leave LA without telling you how I felt. But I guess it doesn't matter anymore, does it? The damage is already done and you hate me now. So go ahead and hate me if it makes you feel any better."

She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Goodbye John."

Then he watched as she turned around and left.

* * *

Later that night Lucy sat on her couch in her pajamas. A carton of mint chocolate chip ice cream was in her hand and she attacked it with a spoon as she sat in silence in the dark. It was a roller coaster of a night. She was so excited when Millicent told her that she would donate five million dollars, but since the donation is attached to Carter spending time with her she realized that the center would never see that money.

She couldn't blame him for being so angry with her, and she could understand why he felt like he needed to be mean to her. But at a certain point enough is enough. She couldn't keep putting herself out there with him only to be berated and treated like crap. She had to have some self-confidence and self-esteem.

She meant what she said to him tonight. She planned on calling Millicent first thing in the morning and refusing the donation. There was no way she could work with him. And she wasn't going to try and talk to him anymore either. She would now act like he didn't exist—even though that broke her heart.

If she could go back in time and change things, there were many things she would change. But anything she changed would have a butterfly effect and who knows what would have happened. If she had stayed in Chicago, maybe they would have ended up breaking up over something else. Maybe they would have been the victim of a violent crime. Maybe they would have been a victim of a car crash. It would be hard to tell.

The only thing she knew for a fact was that this situation was largely her fault. And she hated that fact.

* * *

Carter started to brush his teeth that night, He kept thinking back to his conversation with his Gamma before he left.

" _Gamma…I think I'm going to leave now." He told her after finding her later._

 _She sighed. "I know you don't appreciate what I did with Lucy earlier…"_

" _We can't work together." He confessed. "It just won't work. She's going to refuse the donation tomorrow. But really, what you should do is just find a different person to be the liaison. I'll learn about the foundation some other way—any other way you want. But you can't let her throw away this donation just because we have issues. The money would help her out too much."_

" _I knew you still cared about her." Millicent smiled._

 _He sighed. "Gamma…"_

" _John, I don't pretend to understand what issues you and Lucy have with each other. Truthfully, I don't need or want to know all of the details. All I care about is your happiness. I've seen you date women and be content, but the only time I saw you truly happy was with Lucy. Is that a fair assessment?"_

" _Yes." He replied after a few moments._

" _You broke up because you weren't in the same state. Now you are. Both of you are single. So what is stopping you from trying again? What is keeping you apart?"_

 _He was going to answer but he saw her shake her head._

" _I'll tell you what is keeping you apart. It's pride." She said. "And if you don't let go of that pride, it will keep you from ever being happy again."_

" _You don't understand…"_

" _Maybe not." She conceded. "But life is short and I just want to see you be happy."_

" _I am…"_

" _No you aren't." She interrupted. "Don't lie to me and tell me you are happy. I see it in your eyes. You're miserable. And Lucy has the same look in her eyes too. Just think about what I said."_

" _Alright." He nodded. "I'll think about it."_

" _And come by for dinner sooner rather than later." She smiled._


	6. I Quit

The Things That Keep Us Apart

Chapter Six

The next day, Lucy approached Romano's door and tapped on it lightly.

"Come in if you must!" He yelled from the other side of the door.

She slowly opened the door and entered his office, plopping down in the chair. "Hey."

"You look like hell." He laughed.

"I know." She nodded. She didn't get much sleep last night and she just threw her hair in a messy bun this morning. "So how did your talk with Elizabeth go? You never said anything about it yesterday and I never got a chance to ask Elizabeth either."

"You were right about me being an idiot." He smiled. "I completely understand where she is coming from now and so we'll just move in together for now."

"Good." She nodded. "I'm happy for you guys."

"You don't look too happy." He pointed out. "You look like someone ran over your childhood pet."

"I didn't have a pet growing up." She argued.

"Still…" He rolled his eyes. "You still understand what I mean. So what's wrong? Did Millicent Carter say no to giving the center a donation?"

"No." Lucy shook her head. "She said she would give us five million, with an option to give us an extra fifteen million at the end of our first year."

Romano's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Lucy! That's excellent news! Why are you not excited about this? I thought you would be over the moon about it."

"Because I have to quit." She sighed. "I can't be the director anymore and I'm leaving Chicago."

"What? Why? Was that her stipulation?" Romano asked.

"No." Lucy shook her head. "Her stipulation was that Carter be the liaison between the center and the foundation. If he doesn't meet with the director and give bi-weekly reports back to her, then we don't see a single penny from the foundation. And after last night, there's no way Carter and I can work together. He hates me and after the way he's treated me…I'm not too anxious to work with him either."

She closed her eyes for a moment so she didn't cry. "I've thought about it all night and coming back here was a mistake. I know you think I belong here and there was a time when I did belong here. But now isn't that time and it's just too hard to be here with Carter hating me the way he does."

"You can't let a pissant like Carter run you out of this town!" Romano yelled.

"I'm not." She protested. "But if there is someone else running the center, Carter won't have a problem being the liaison and we can still get the donation." Lucy pointed out.

"Screw her money!" Romano shook his head. "We don't need it."

"Yeah, we kind of do." Lucy chuckled. "Have you looked at our books lately? Our money is dwindling at a frightening pace and we need donations ASAP."

"So we'll just find money somewhere else."

"Where?" She laughed. "Should we just shake the giant money tree that is outside your window? Try to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? Buy a lottery ticket and hope for the best? If there was any other way around this, don't you think I would've already explored it? I've been working my ass off trying to get us enough money to last through the year until we hear back about the grant money. This donation from Millicent Carter is our last hope."

"I'm not letting you quit."

"With all due respect, you can't stop me." She told him softly.

"Lucy…"

"Robert…" She sighed. She didn't use his first name often, opting to only use it when she needed to make a statement. Today her statement was that she wasn't changing her mind on this. "I've thought about this a lot. It's the only option that makes any sense. I came back here because I believed this center was something that needed to happen and I foolishly thought that maybe I could break down the walls of Carter's heart."

"But it's been months and I can't fix what I broke with Carter." She continued. "I can, however, ensure that the center gets the money it needs to continue and prosper…even if it has to prosper without me."

"This is bullshit." Romano sighed.

"No." She shook her head. "It's just the way it has to be."

She stood up. "I'm really sorry. I wanted to be the person who could make this dream of yours a reality and turn the center into everything you envisioned. I really did."

"You still can be that person." He pointed out.

"Please don't hate me." She pleaded.

"I can't hate you." He told her. "But I can't say I'm pleased."

"Fair enough." She nodded. "I'll go type up my letter of resignation."

She left his office before she ended up crying.

* * *

A few minutes later, Romano stormed out of the elevator and into the ER. He ran into Elizabeth.

"Robert?" She grabbed him by the shoulders to stop him. "What is wrong?"

"Where's Carter?" He spat out.

"I don't know." She shook her head. "I came down for a consult but I haven't seen him. Why? What's wrong?"

"It's between me and Carter." He told her, looking past her and seeing the man walking down the hallway. "Carter! Lounge! NOW!" He yelled.

"Robert…" She cautioned him.

"Stay out of this Lizzie." He told her.

"Dr. Romano, you can't just order me around." Carter said.

"Now Carter!" He yelled again, watching as Carter shook his head and entered the lounge.

"What's this about?" Carter asked. "I have patients."

"They can wait." Romano told him. Without saying another word, he cocked his arm back and then hit Carter, landing the punch squarely on his jaw and sending the man flying backwards.

"What the hell?" Carter yelled, getting up and holding his jaw. "What is your problem?"

"You are my problem!" Romano yelled back.

"You need to calm down." Elizabeth told him, touching his arm.

"I'm filing a report on this." Carter announced. "You can say goodbye to your job."

"And you can say goodbye to Lucy." Romano said.

"What does that mean?" Carter asked. "What does Lucy have to do with this?"

"Because of you, Lucy is writing her resignation letter right now. She is quitting the center and leaving Chicago because you won't work with her.. So congratulations because you win! You get your wish."

"I didn't…I…That's not my fault."

"To hell it isn't!" Romano yelled. "You are the reason she is leaving. She thinks the center can't get your grandmother's donation if she is the director."

"Well that isn't even true." Carter protested.

"Just admit it! You've been hoping she leaves ever since she came back. You're probably glad she will be leaving."

"I…"

"I don't care." Romano cut him off. "Report me for punching you if you want…it was worth it." He turned around and left the lounge, aware that Elizabeth was following him. He didn't stop until he got into the elevator. That's when he noticed that she was staring at him.

"What the hell was that about?" Elizabeth sighed.

"Lucy plans on quitting. Millicent Carter will only donate money if Carter is the liaison to the center and he won't do it because he is still upset with her. So she believes the only way for the center to get the money is for her to quit and move away." He explained.

"No." She shook her head. "I understood that part. What I don't understand is why you felt the need to punch Carter like that."

"He just bothers me."

"He has always bothered you, especially after Lucy started dating him. And you are extremely over-protective of Lucy. You've always been that way. Why?"

"Just what are you implying, Lizzie?" He asked.

"Do you have feelings for her?" She asked. "Is that why you stayed in contact with her after she moved and why you wanted her to move back? Is that what that little show of testosterone was about back there?"

He couldn't help but laugh, then he realized it was the wrong reaction when he saw her face. "You're seriously asking me that?"

"Yes!" She said.

"You are the one that I love. You are the one I want to be with." He assured her. "Lucy…Lucy is like the daughter I never got around to having. She understands that I'm not quite as big of a jerk as I let on. She realizes that I have a massive amount of surgical talent and wants to learn from me. She calls me on my crap and I respect her immensely. But I have zero romantic interest in her."

"I'm being silly." She laughed.

"Maybe just a little." He chuckled as they got out of the elevator and headed to his office.

"I'm sorry." She apologized.

"No apology needed." He leaned in and kissed her.

"So Lucy really wants to leave?"

They got to his office and saw an envelope taped to the door. He tore it off, recognizing Lucy's handwriting. "Here's her letter of resignation."

Elizabeth sighed. "Let me see if I can talk to her."

"Good luck."

* * *

Lucy grabbed a box and started putting her stuff inside, sighing deeply when there was a knock on the door. She didn't acknowledge the knock but was relieved when it was Elizabeth who came in. She couldn't handle another talk with Romano right now. Telling him she was quitting broke her heart and she felt like she was failing him.

"Hey." She greeted softly. "You probably know what's going on by now, don't you?"

"Yeah." Elizabeth nodded. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I don't want to, but I have to." Lucy explained. "It's the only way I can make things right. Carter can happier without me around and the center can get the funding it desperately needs."

"But you end up miserable." She pointed out.

Lucy laughed. "Not every story ends happily."

"So do you know what Robert just did?"

"No." Lucy answered with a sigh. "What did he do?"

"He went down to the ER and punched Carter."

"What?" Lucy exclaimed. "No! You're kidding."

"I wish I was. Robert is very upset that you are leaving. So am I."

"We'll all still be friends." She assured her. "It's not like we'll never see each other again. I just…can't stay here anymore. I thought…well I was being naïve to think that forcing Carter to be around me would eventually make him want to try again. I've tried for four months to engage him in conversation but he doesn't want to be around me. And the only way the center will get enough money to keep going is if we get the donation from his grandmother. But we can't even get that until Carter works with me and he doesn't want to do that. So please, tell me…what am I supposed to do Elizabeth?"

She said softly. "Leaving seems like the only way."

"You're running away." Elizabeth told her.

"Maybe." She chuckled again.

"Maybe you should talk to Carter again…see if you two can work out some kind of truce or cease-fire."

"He told me last night he wished I had never moved back from LA and that he doesn't want to see me or hear me ever again." Lucy explained. "I don't think there is any way to work that out."

"I'm sorry, Lucy."

"It's fine." Lucy shrugged, going back to packing her office.

"Where are you going to go?"

"I have no clue yet." She gave her friend a weak smile. She heard Elizabeth's pager go off. "You should probably go answer that."

"I'm sorry." Elizabeth apologized. "I am covering the ER all day."

"We'll talk later, ok?"

"Alright." Lucy watched her friend leave and then went back to packing up.

* * *

Elizabeth was glad that she found Carter. "We need to talk." She told him, practically dragging him into an empty exam room.

"You aren't going to hit me too, are you?" He chuckled.

"No, but the urge is tempting."

"Are you here to ask that I don't report Romano?" He sighed.

"You can do whatever you feel is best." She told him. "I'm here to talk to you about Lucy."

"I didn't know she was planning on quitting or moving." He held his hands up in a sign of defeat.

"But you had to have known that at some point she would give up on you."

"You…it's complicated." He finally answered.

"The way I see it, it's fairly simple. Either you still love her, or you don't. I know she still loves you, though for the life of my right now I don't understand why. You have been nothing but mean to her ever since she came back. Now maybe you did that to punish her…maybe you did it to protect yourself…maybe you did it because you're an ass…I really don't know and at this point I don't care. What I do care about it Lucy. She loves her job and she's great at it. She has done some amazing things for the center. It isn't fair that she feels she needs to quit and leave town because of you. So you have to fix this."

"How am I supposed to fix it?" He chuckled.

"Here is her address." Elizabeth said, handing him a piece of paper. "Go talk this out with her. Yell if you have to but talk everything through and get past your issues with each other. Basically, grow up."

"I'll think about it." He told her, sticking the paper in his coat pocket.

* * *

Carter looked at the piece of paper Elizabeth gave him with Lucy's address on it one more time, matching the apartment building number. She was living in 2C. So he climbed the stairs and walked down the hallway, looking for her apartment. He found it at the end of the hallway and noticed that the door was slightly ajar.

He was a little nervous about it but knocked on the door anyway. "Lucy? Are you in there?" He didn't hear a response but since the door was open he pushed it open enough so he could go in. "Lucy?"

He still didn't hear any response so he walked through the apartment. "Lucy?" It wasn't until he got to the kitchen that his heart stopped. Lucy was on the floor face down in a large puddle of blood. "Oh God." He knelt down next to her, trying to assess what her injuries were. It didn't take long to realize she had been shot twice.

"Lucy. Can you hear me?" He tried to get her to open her eyes but he couldn't. "You're going to be alright Luce…just stay with me. Ok?" He felt her neck and was reassured when he felt a weak pulse. He checked her breathing and was glad she was still breathing. Her breath sounds were shallow, but at least she was breathing. He got his phone out and was about to call for an ambulance when he heard someone behind him.

"Put your hands up slowly!"

He looked back and saw two police officers with their guns trained on him.

"I said put your hands up slowly!" The police officer repeated.

Without a second thought he lifted up his hands.

"Ok now stand up slowly and move away from the victim." The police officer commanded.

"You've got it all wrong." Carter said as he stood up slowly. "I just got here. I didn't do this…"

"Step back sir." The police officer commanded.

Carter stepped back and felt the officer start to handcuff him. Then he started to pat him down to check for any weapons. "Please don't do this! I'm a doctor. She needs medical help. I can help her!"

"And she will get medical help." The police officer told him. "Right now we're taking you downtown. _Y_ ou have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you?"

"Yeah." Carter sighed. He didn't know a lot about the law but he knew there was no way for him to explain this to the police officer right now. Besides, his concern wasn't for himself. He was worried about Lucy.

It broke his heart to be dragged away in handcuffs while watching as the paramedics rushed into her apartment.


	7. Guilty Under Proven Innocent

The Things That Keep Us Apart

Chapter Seven

"What do we have?" Luca asked, walking towards the ambulance.

"34 year old female found in her apartment, shot twice in the chest." The paramedic announced. "BP is 100/70, couldn't get a consistent pulse ox reading. She's coded once already and has lost a lot of blood."

"Lucy?" Luca questioned as they got into the hospital. "Shit. Let's get her into trauma one."

He saw that Abby and Chuney were ready for them in trauma one. "You guys, it's Lucy."

"What?" Abby rushed over. "Oh God."

"Page for Elizabeth. We need her down here now!" Luca commanded as they transferred her over to the gurney. "Let's see what we are working with. I want her hooked up to monitors, type and cross for four units, get a pulse ox reading, cbc, chem 7 and trauma panel. We also need films."

"Luca, this is bad." Abby said softly.

"I know." He nodded.

"You needed a consult?" Elizabeth asked, entering the room and putting on her second glove.

"It's Lucy." Abby said, looking over at Elizabeth.

"What?" Elizabeth rushed over and started to examine her. "Oh no. Looks like a bullet to her right lung and one to the abdomen. We need to get her up to surgery now and we need films so we know exactly what we are dealing with!"

"Alright." Luca replied. "Just let me make sure her airway is protected."

"I can do that on the way up." Elizabeth told him. "Abby, page Robert and get him to meet me up there."

"Sure." Abby nodded, dialing the number.

* * *

"I'm telling you though, I didn't hurt Lucy." Carter told the investigator. He had been sitting in an interrogation room for at least a half hour now and it didn't seem like anyone wanted to believe him. He didn't call for a lawyer because he didn't think he needed one. He wasn't guilty of anything. But they just kept grilling him and he wondered if not asking for a lawyer was a mistake.

"Why were you are her apartment?" Officer Toshi asked for the third time.

"I went there because one of her friends told me Lucy was quitting her job and leaving town. I realized I needed to let her know that I don't hate her like she thinks I do. I actually still love her. But it's complicated." He explained.

"Complicated enough for you to shoot her?"

"No!" He sighed. "I wouldn't shoot her. I wouldn't shoot anyone, but especially not her. Besides, I don't even own a gun."

"We're searching the scene for the gun that was used right now." Officer Toshi. "Is there anything you would like to tell us to make that search easier?"

"No." He shook his head. "Because I don't know where it is. I didn't shoot her."

Officer Toshi sighed. "Care to tell us how you got the split lip?"

"One of my co-workers punched me earlier today." He sighed.

"Ok. Are you sure you don't want to call a lawyer?"

Carter thought about it. "Actually there is a call I'd like to make."

"Ok. We'll arrange it in a bit." Officer Toshi then left the room.

He sighed. This was not where he wanted to be right now. He wanted to be at the hospital with Lucy, making sure she would be alright. The amount of blood on the floor around her was troubling and he wondered who could have done that to her.

* * *

"What are we dealing with?" Elizabeth asked as Robert came in with Lucy's films. She watched as he put the films on the reader and then came back to wash up for the surgery. He had met her at the elevator and volunteered to take Lucy to get her films done. She agreed because there was a look of desperation on his face and she felt bad for him. She knew he cared about Lucy and was over her earlier jealousy.

"She has a bullet lodged in the bottom part of her lung. It needs to be resected at the very least and possibly removed depending on how severe it looks when we get in there." Robert sighed deeply. "And the bullet to her abdomen looks to have pierced the top of her liver. That will need to be resected as well."

"I can't believe this is happening." Elizabeth sighed.

"I know what you mean." He nodded.

"I wonder who did this to her."

"Whoever it was better hope they never meet me."

"Do you want to take the lung or the liver?" She asked. "I figure we should try to repair both at the same time."

"You take the lung." He told her. "I'll handle the liver."

"Alright." She was done washing up and was about to go in but turned to face him. "We're going to get her through this, Robert."

"I sure hope you're right Lizzie." He replied, continuing to wash up.

"Should we call Carter and tell him about Lucy" Luca asked Abby as they stood at the front desk.

"I don't know." Abby shook her head.

"I'd want to know if you were you shot." He told her.

She gave him a small smile. "But that's different. You actually kind of like me. Carter and Lucy aren't on good terms right now."

"Still…anyone can see he still loves her." Luca mentioned. "He should know about this."

"Maybe." Abby replied.

Luca closed the gap between them and gave her a hug. "Lucy will be alright."

Abby chuckled and pulled out of the hug. "I appreciate you saying that even though we both know she could very easily die."

"She is strong through." He told her. "And she had two good surgeons working on her. I may not like Romano, but he is good at his job."

"That's true."

Frank interrupted the moment by sticking the phone in Abby's face. "It's for you."

"Thanks." She rolled her eyes and grabbed the phone. "This is Abby."

"Abby! I'm so glad you are still there."

"Carter? Why are you calling me here? Actually…never mind. There's something I need to tell you."

"How is Lucy?" Carter asked. "Is she ok? Is she going to be ok? Is she in surgery yet?"

"How do you know about Lucy already?" She was confused because she didn't think anyone had called him. "Did someone call you?"

"It's a long story." He sighed. "I'll tell you later. Just tell me how Lucy is doing. Please?"

"She is in surgery right now. Elizabeth and Romano are working on her. They are trying to repair the damage from the bullets."

"Do you think she will be alright?"

"I don't know." She replied honestly. "I just know she was a mess when the paramedics brought her in. After Elizabeth took her upstairs we stopped getting updates. But I really think you should be here."

"I would be there in a heartbeat if I could. Believe me…I'd rather be there."

"Where exactly are you?" She asked.

"I'm at the police station." He explained. "I got to Lucy's apartment after she had been shot and when the police arrived they saw me there. They think I shot her and arrested me."

"Oh my God. Do you need anything?"

"I just need to get out of here and check on Lucy. But I'm not sure they are ever going to believe me when I tell them I didn't shoot Lucy."

"Do you have a lawyer?"

"Not yet." He explained. "This was my first call. I'll call a lawyer next."

"I'm sorry Carter. Let me know if you need anything."

"Thanks." He said. "Let's just hope that Lucy is ok."

Abby put the phone down and looked over at Luca, who was staring at her. "You won't believe this, but the police arrested Carter for shooting Lucy."

"What?" Luca chuckled. "But Carter wouldn't do that."

"I know that and you know that. But he was there when the police showed up and they arrested him. He's down at the police station right now."

"Does he need to make bail?"

"I don't think they have gotten that far yet. It sounded like they were just interrogating him so far." Abby sighed. "This night just keeps getting worse."

* * *

Five hours later

Robert sighed as he took off his scrub cap and threw it on the floor. He had left the room without waiting for Lizze to follow him. The surgery had been long and harrowing. Lucy had coded twice on the table. The second time they didn't think they would be able to bring her back. If he hadn't been stubborn and convinced everyone to try one last time…she would be dead right now.

But now the really hard part started. They had to wait to see if the work they did would allow her to survive and see if she would wake up.

Elizabeth had to remove a part of the bottom of Lucy's right lung. While he had tried in vain to just resect the part of Lucy's liver that had been damaged by the bullet, he ultimately had to remove a portion of her liver. The wound was simply bleeding too much for him to be able to fix it. She could live without the portions they both removed.

But she had lost all of her own blood during the surgery. They went through over nine units of blood. It seemed like she would bleed it out as quickly as they could get the blood back in.

She was also trached to help with her breathing. He made sure that was done instead of just putting her on a ventilator with an ET tube because it reduced her risk of infection and put less stress on her lungs.

She was currently in the surgical ICU being monitored by a nurse at all times. He made sure that Lucy wasn't going to be left alone for even a single second just in case something happened or she woke up. He was tempted to go back and sit with her himself, but he realized he needed a moment to decompress first.

"Well that was the least favorite surgery I've ever performed." Elizabeth sighed as she came out of Lucy's room.

"Mine too." He sighed.

"But we got it done, Robert. She survived."

"For now."

"You can't think like that." She chastised him gently.

"It's hard not to." He told her. "You saw the damage those bullets did, just like I saw it."

"Yes." She agreed. "I did. But I also saw how we repaired it."

"I'm just afraid it won't be enough." He sighed, leaning up against the wall and sliding down to a sitting position.

"I know." She said, going over and sitting next to him. She put her head on his shoulder. "I feel the same way."

"I think we should do shifts with her." He suggested. "You know, make sure she isn't alone."

"Alright." She nodded.

"I'll take the first shift." He told her. "You can go get some rest."

"I'm not certain I can sleep right now." She confessed.

"Maybe we just stay here together for a moment." He suggested, reaching around and putting his arm around her body.

"Sounds good to me."

* * *

"So why are you holding my client?"

Carter watched as his lawyer started to be the one interrogating the police.

"Mr. Teller, your client was right there with the victim when we arrived. He was not the one called 911. That was a neighbor who called when she heard the gunshots. If you were the police and you arrived on the scene to see a woman bleeding and a man right next to her, what would you think? You would probably arrest the man as a precaution while you investigate what is going on too." Officer Toshi explained.

"And that is exactly what we have done. Unfortunately the victim has been in surgery for hours and hasn't come out of the anesthesia for us to be able to ask her any questions."

"Lucy's out of surgery?" Carter exclaimed. "Is she ok?"

His lawyer sighed. "John, what did I say? Shut up and be quiet."

"But…" Carter started to say.

"Shut up." Mr. Teller repeated. "My client is innocent. I'm sure a quick conversation with the victim will clear this all up. I respectfully ask that since you don't know when the victim will wake up and be able to talk, you let my client bond out of here."

"We can't do that." Officer Toshi replied.

"Have you found a gun? Any forensic evidence to suggest my client was the one who shot the victim?"

"I can't comment on that." Officer Toshi shook his head. "I'm sorry but your client has to stay here until the victim wakes up and can tell us what happened."

"And if she doesn't wake up?" Mr. Teller questioned.

"Then your client is in a lot of trouble." Officer Toshi replied, leaving the room.

"Do you think that Lucy will wake up?" He asked.

"I don't know." Carter shook his head. "But I hope so, and not just because I want her to clear this misunderstanding up."

"Well let's just hope for the best."

"How long can they keep me here without charging me?" He asked.

"Up to 72 hours."

Carter sighed and looked at his watch. "It's only been about seven so far."

"Why didn't you call me sooner?" Mr. Teller asked. "Like when you were arrested?"

"I didn't think I needed to call you because I'm innocent." Carter explained. "I thought I could explain it to them and they would let me go."

"They won't just let you go because this looks incredibly suspicious." He pointed out. "You go to an ex-girlfriends' apartment at night after getting into an argument with one of her friends about your treatment of her to confront her about her leaving...which she claims is because of you and she just happens to have been shot."

"That's a very watered down version of the truth…"

"But it is the truth." Mr. Teller sighed. "Look at it from the police's point of view for a moment. They think they have a slam dunk case because you have motive and opportunity."

"But they don't have a weapon or anything to tie me to it because I didn't shoot her!" Carter exclaimed.

"And the truth will win out in the end." Mr. Teller explained. "But you have to realize that it is going to take some time for this to work itself out. Now hopefully Lucy wakes up soon and can tell the police who shot her, or at the very least tell them that you didn't shoot her. If that doesn't happen, then we have a bigger fight on our hands. But I will see you through this. Don't worry."

"I'm not worried about me. I know I didn't do it and, like you said, the truth will win out in the end." Carter admitted. "I'm worried about Lucy."

* * *

Lucy squeezed her eyes shut, briefly wondering why she was in so much pain. It felt like she had been hit by a truck. That's when she remembered…she had been shot. Breathing wasn't easy and it was painful.

At least pain meant she was still alive.

She finally was able to keep her eyes fully open. Looking around, she realized she was in the surgical ICU. In the chair next to her was Elizabeth. It looked like she was asleep. She tried to say something before realizing she had a trach in. So there was no point trying to talk because there would be no sounds coming out of her mouth.

She briefly wondered what else had been done after she got shot. Her memories of the shooting were blurry with bits and pieces missing. But she knew who shot her and would have no problem letting the police know once they came to ask her.

" _NO!" She cried out, looking at her assailant. "Please, don't shoot…" He began to shoot before she could finish her sentence. She felt the first bullet hit her in the chest, immediately taking her breath away. The pain ripped through her. Seconds later there was another bullet hitting her in the abdomen. She doubled over, coughing up blood into her hands._

 _She felt faint and soon found herself falling to the kitchen floor. She could see him run off and was glad that at least he wasn't going to shoot at her anymore. But she had no way to call for an ambulance._

 _It shouldn't end like this._

 _It didn't take long for her to pass out into the darkness._

She looked back over at Elizabeth, who was still sleeping. Unable to keep her eyes open any longer, she closed her eyes to get some rest.


	8. Thank You

The Things That Keep Us Apart

Chapter Eight

The next time Lucy woke up, she opened her eyes and saw Romano taking her vitals. It was an interesting sight because he normally didn't do that kind of work, usually leaving it for the nurses and med students. It amused her.

"Lucy! Oh thank God." He looked so relieved when she looked at him. If she had any energy left she would have smiled at him. "We had to trach you so you can't talk right now. But you can answer yes or no questions by blinking once for yes and twice for no. Do you understand?"

She blinked once.

"Good." He smiled. "Are you in pain?"

She blinked once.

"I'll get you something for that now that you are awake." He assured her. "Do you remember what happened?"

She blinked once.

He held on to her hand. "You were shot twice—one went into the right lung and the other into your liver. We had to remove sections of both. I put in a trach to put less stress on your lungs. We can probably take it out within a day or so if we can wean you off of the oxygen. You lost a lot of blood and have been out of it for a day and a half. You coded three times…once in the ambulance and twice in surgery. So while you will have a rather lengthy recovery process, the fact that you have gotten this far is amazing. Do you understand?"

She blinked once.

After being shot, she knew that the bullets had done some decent damage to her. She could feel it. But she didn't realize things were that serious. She wasn't stupid and knew that her recovery wasn't going to be quick. It would take weeks for her to get back to normal again.

She lifted her arm up and motioned like she was writing with an invisible pen.

"You want to write something?" He asked.

She blinked once.

He quickly got her a piece of paper and gave her his pen. She scribbled something quickly and then handed it back.

 _Looks like you got your wish and I'm not moving away just yet._

She watched him read it and tried to smile. But she was too exhausted. So instead she winked at him.

"Very funny." He said, unable to keep the smile from his face.

* * *

 _Lucy answered the door and smiled when she saw him. "Hey."_

" _Hey." He came in, kissing her quickly on his way. "So do you want to go grab dinner and see a movie tonight or do you want to stay in? Because either way is fine. It doesn't matter to me."_

" _Actually, we need to talk first."_

" _That is one of the worst phrases in the world." He sighed. "What's going on?"_

 _He watched as she went over to the coffee table and picked up a folder. Then she handed it to him._

" _What is it?" He asked._

" _Open it." She asked quietly._

 _He opened it to find a brochure about Cedars-Sinai hospital in LA. The other papers were about their programs and then about halfway down he found an employment agreement that was already signed and dated for today._

" _What…Lucy…" He finally realized what was going on. "What the hell is going on? You're moving to LA?"_

" _I have to." She sighed._

" _No." He snorted. "You don't have to."_

" _Carter…"_

" _NO!" He yelled, throwing the folder onto the coffee table. "I don't want to hear about how this is the only way you'll be able to get your research study approved. I already gave you a way to do that while staying in Chicago."_

" _That's not a legitimate solution though." She argued. "That's you trying to buy your way into getting me to stay. I can't let you use your family's money to fund my research."_

" _Why not?" He sighed. "Forgive me for wanting to keep you with me." He scoffed. "I love you Lucy. I don't want you to move across the country."_

" _And I don't want to move across the country either." She told him._

" _You sure have a funny way of showing it." He scoffed again. "You could have fooled me considering you signed the employment agreement already."_

" _But I haven't faxed it back yet." She told him._

" _Why not?"_

" _I wanted to talk to you first."_

" _Seems like you have already made up your mind." He sighed._

" _I love you, John." She told him. "Really! I do."_

" _If you love me, then why do you want to leave me?" He asked. "Why are you so hell-bent on leaving our relationship?"_

" _Trust me…" She sighed. "The last thing I want to do is leave you and I definitely don't want to leave our relationship. But I have to do this for myself. I don't know why you can't understand that."_

" _Because it makes no sense!"_

" _It makes sense to me!" She yelled back._

" _Then marry me!" He yelled without thinking._

" _What?"_

 _He saw she was looking at him like he was crazy. To be honest, he wasn't sure why he chose this moment to propose. He had been thinking about it for a couple of months now._

" _Marry me." He repeated, this time softer. "I love you and you love me. We should get married."_

" _I just told you I'm thinking of moving to LA and your solution is for us to get married?" She shook her head. "You know, first you try to use your grandmother and your family's money to bribe me to stay…now you're trying to bribe me with the promise of getting married. What is wrong with you?"_

" _I'm not trying to bribe you!" He exclaimed angrily. "I'm trying to spend the rest of my life with you."_

" _And you chose this moment to ask? You really thought this was the right time to bring it up?" She scoffed. "You can't be serious."_

" _I'm 100% serious!" He yelled. "I think you are the one who isn't serious about us."_

" _Why don't you come with me?" She asked softly after being quiet for a moment. "I'm sure that you could get a job there too, and if you can't at that hospital there are a bunch of them close by. We could still be together and even be together in much nicer weather."_

" _My life is here." He told her. "My family, my career, my friends…everything is here."_

" _But I'll be in LA." She pointed out. "What about my career? You are on track to rise through the ranks of the hospital if you want. Don't I deserve a chance to go out and excel…to do great things and see where life takes me?"_

" _So you care about your career more than you care about us." He sighed. "That's great to know. You're really being selfish."_

" _That's not what I said." She protested._

" _Yeah, it actually is." He walked around her to get to the door._

" _Please don't leave." She pleaded. "We're not done."_

" _Yeah, we actually are done, Lucy…for good. Enjoy California." Without another word he opened the door and slammed it shut behind him._

With a jolt, Carter opened his eyes. He looked around, frustrated that he was still in lock-up. His frustration wasn't about him being stuck there…it was the fact that if he was still here it meant Lucy hadn't woken up and been able to talk to the police. He still didn't know what her condition was.

No one would tell him anything about Lucy, except to say that she wasn't dead so he wouldn't be facing murder charges. He had to hope that Lucy woke up soon because he knew that the longer she stayed out of it, the longer her recovery process would take and the more at risk for pulmonary embolism she would end up being.

He wasn't even sure how long he had been in custody at this point because they took away his watch when they placed him in lock-up. All he knew was it had been less than 72 hours. After the 72 hour mark they had to charge him and put him in front of a judge so he could get bail or release him without charges. He sat up on the hard bench and sighed. There was nothing to do here but think, and that was a dangerous thing for him. All he thought about was how stupid he had been.

He should have understood that Lucy wanted to make a name for herself without latching on to his family's money. But at the time he only saw that she was leaving and didn't try to understand why. By dropping in on her life in LA, he could see how she would think it was a casual thing and nothing too serious.

When she came back, he should have given her a chance to explain, or at least not been a complete jerk to her. But instead he treated her terribly. Dr. Romano was right to punch him. He deserved it and a lot more.

Maybe if he hadn't been so terrible to Lucy she wouldn't have gotten shot. He knew it was pointless to think about those types of what if scenarios, but couldn't help it with so much free time on his hands.

He had made a vow earlier that if he was able to be released, he would do anything in his power to make sure Lucy was alright. He would help her with her recovery and maybe they could work on repairing their shattered relationship. But she needed to wake up and clear him first so he could get out of here.

* * *

"It's so good to see you awake again." Elizabeth smiled at Lucy as she sat at her friends' bedside.

Lucy gave her a small, pained smile.

"Are you still in a lot of pain?" Elizabeth asked.

Lucy blinked once.

"You're on pain medicine." Elizabeth sighed. "I'll see about increasing it though."

"Excuse me…I don't mean to intrude, but is there any way I could talk to Dr. Knight for a moment?"

"And you would be?" Elizabeth asked.

"Officer Toshi. I need to ask her some questions about what happened."

"She is trached, which means she can't talk. She can communicate though. One blink is yes and two blinks is no." Elizabeth explained.

Lucy watched the officer come to stand next to her bed.

"Is it alright if I ask you a couple of questions?" He asked.

She blinked once.

"Alright. Do you remember what happened to you?"

She blinked once.

"Good. So you were shot in your apartment, is that correct?"

She blinked once.

"Um, did you know the person who shot you prior to the incident?"

She blinked once.

"We have someone in custody that we believe shot you. Can you take a look at their picture and tell us if that person shot you?" Officer Toshi asked.

She blinked once yet again.

"Ok." Officer Toshi pulled up the picture on his tablet and held it up for her to see. "Is this the person who shot you?"

She was horrified to see that the person in the mugshot was Carter. She quickly blinked twice.

"This wasn't the person who shot you?" Officer Toshi asked.

She blinked twice again and then motioned to Elizabeth for paper and a pen. Once she had those things she quickly scribbled several sentences.

 _It wasn't Carter. He didn't shoot me. It was my neighbor, Paul Sobriki who shot me._

She couldn't believe that they had arrested Carter, but there was a mugshot that proved they had. There was no reason she could think of why they would arrest Carter for her shooting. It didn't make any sense to her. But they had a mugshot of him.

"So you are positive that John Carter didn't shoot you?"

"Carter?" Elizabeth gasped. "No, you must be mistaken."

Lucy blinked once to let the officer know she was sure it wasn't Carter.

"Alright." Officer Toshi sighed. "Paul Soriki. He is a neighbor in your building?"

She blinked once.

"Alright. We'll get to work on looking for him. Thank you for your time." Officer Toshi then practically sprinted out of the door.

She looked over at Elizabeth, her eyes wide.

"I didn't know they had arrested Carter for your shooting." Elizabeth told her.

Lucy grabbed the paper and scribbled more.

 _Find out if he is ok?_

"Alright, I will." Elizabeth assured her.

Lucy was suddenly finding it harder to breathe.

"Lucy?" Elizabeth called out. "Lucy? Can you hear me?"

Between the pain and the difficulty breathing, Lucy found it hard to concentrate. Then there was nothing but darkness.

* * *

Carter was relieved when he was able to step out of the police station and into the early evening air. It wasn't the fact he was free that made him smile so much as the fact that his freedom meant Lucy was awake and able to talk to the police.

"Thank you." He shook Mr. Teller's hand. "I appreciate everything you did."

"It was no problem." Mr. Teller replied. "I'm glad everything worked out for you."

Carter waved goodbye to the lawyer and raised his arm to hail a cab. Although he had been stuck in a holding cell for almost two days, he had to go to the hospital and check on Lucy before he went home and showered.

* * *

When Lucy opened her eyes this time, she had both Elizabeth and Romano staring at her. She looked at one, then the other, back and forth until someone finally spoke.

"Please stop scaring us like that." Romano finally sighed.

She still couldn't talk so she tried to communicate with her eyes. She wanted to know what had happened. Finally Elizabeth took pity on her.

"You had a pulmonary embolism." Elizabeth explained. "We had to place a Greenfield filter. But you're going to be alright now."

"And since you're going to be trached for a little bit longer, we got you this." Romano smiled, pulling a small dry erase board out from behind his back.

She smiled, eagerly grabbing it from him. It didn't take her long to write what she wanted to say.

 _Thank you._

"You're welcome." He chuckled. "To be completely honest though, we took it from your office so it was already yours to begin with."

"Robert…" Elizabeth chastised gently, rolling her eyes.

 _No. I mean for everything._

"You don't have to thank us." Elizabeth told her.

 _Yes I do. You two saved my life._

"That's what we do." He smiled.

 _Did you find out about Carter?_

"When I called a little bit ago, they said he was in the process of being released." Elizabeth explained.

She smiled. At least Carter wasn't going to be stuck in jail anymore because of her. She felt her eyelids grow heavy.

 _I'm so tired._

"You're going to be pretty weak for a while." Elizabeth warned her. "You've been through quite a lot. We'll let you get some rest."

She blinked once before closing her eyes to get some rest.


	9. Take A Shower

The Things That Tear Us Apart

Chapter Nine

"I think Lucy is out of the woods now." Elizabeth told Robert as they stood outside Lucy's room. "I think the ICU team can handle things for a while. Maybe we should go home and get some rest? Maybe get a shower and some food that doesn't come from a vending machine?"

"Yeah." He nodded, looking back at her door and then at Elizabeth. "But we thought she was out of the woods the last time and look what happened…"

"What happened?"

Robert sighed as he recognized the voice coming from behind him. "Dr. Carter…how wonderful to see you again." He turned to face the man. "I see they finally let you out of jail."

"Robert…" Elizabeth cautioned, touching his arm. "Be nice. I'm sure Carter's had a very trying time lately."

"Not as trying as Lucy." Robert pointed out.

"What happened the last time with Lucy?" Carter asked again.

"She had a pulmonary embolism." Elizabeth told him. "But we placed a Greenfield filter and I think she will be fine now."

"I have to go see her." Carter said, trying to get into the room.

Robert stepped in front of the door. "I don't think so."

"You can't keep me from going in there." Carter argued.

"Wanna bet?" He laughed. "Or did you just want a black eye to go with the split lip?"

"Robert!" Elizabeth chastised.

"Look, Lucy has been through a lot. Do you really think what she needs right is Carter going in there smelling of a distinct mixture of urine and criminals? Plus your shirt has blood on it. I assume that there is a chance that is Lucy's blood? Do you think she needs to see that? Face it Carter, you're a complete mess right now. She doesn't need to see that." He explained.

Carter sighed. "As much as I hate to admit it, you are right."

"Go home. Take a shower and put on clean clothes. Then come see her." He suggested.

"Actually I think I still have a spare set of clothes in my locker." Carter smiled. "I'll go take a shower and change. Then I'll come back up and see her."

"That sounds like a fair compromise." Elizabeth smiled. "Doesn't it Robert?"

"Sure." He faked a smile. "But she needs her rest."

"I just want to sit with her." Carter told him, heading down the hallway to get to the elevator.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Elizabeth asked.

"They should have kept him in jail." He rolled his eyes.

"He wasn't guilty." Elizabeth reminded him.

"No, not guilty of shooting her. But he's guilty of treating her badly."

She chuckled. "Last time I checked that was a criminal offense."

"It is to me." He informed her. "Maybe you should go on ahead and go home. I'll catch up."

He watched her put her hands on her hips.

"You want to stay for when Carter comes back, don't you?" She asked.

"Possibly." He shrugged.

"Lucy is a big girl." She reminded him. "And she would be the first to remind you that she doesn't need someone hovering over her all the time."

"But she…"

"No." Elizabeth shook her head. "Let Carter go in there by himself. If Lucy wakes up while he is there, I'm sure she is perfectly capable of handling it herself. She doesn't need you or me to protect her from him."

He looked at Elizabeth and saw that she had her 'I'm serious and there is nothing you can say or do to change my mind' look on her face. Although he wanted to argue with her about it, he also found the look on her face endearing. He sighed and took one more look at Lucy's door. "Alright. You win."

"Really?"

She looked surprised and he laughed. "Yes."

"I was prepared for you to put up a bigger fight than that." She laughed.

"Well you caught me on a day where I am exhausted and all I really want to do is go home with you." He told her with a smile on his face.

"Then what are we waiting for?" She smiled back.

* * *

 _Lucy sat on the couch, staring at the folder she compiled. Carter was due to come over at any moment now. He had gotten off work about twenty minutes ago and was coming straight over. She was nervous about what she had to tell him and hoped they would be able to talk about it calmly, though she knew that was probably not going to happen._

 _Cedars-Sinai hospital had sent her an official job offer today, and she was going to take it. She didn't want to leave Carter. But she also didn't want to stay and forever feel like she was in his shadow. Right now, even though she was good at being a surgeon, she felt like everyone still saw her as Lucy Knight, Carter's young med student who he ended up dating._

 _She had heard people whisper about her in the hallways of the hospital, and while she knew she shouldn't care too much about what other people thought it still bothered her. And then there was Carter's mother._

 _Everything she said at the foundation fundraiser still played on repeat in her head. She wasn't raised in the same world as Carter. She didn't even know how much his family was worth, but she knew they were one of the wealthiest families in Illinois. So they had to have a lot of money. If this relationship with him progressed the way she wanted it to, she would end up becoming his wife and that petrified her. She didn't feel like she belonged in that world._

 _Low self-esteem and low confidence was something she had battled ever since she could remember. Once she got into medical school and finally found something that she was good at and enjoyed, her self-esteem and self-confidence skyrocketed. But that one conversation with his mother managed to destroy all of that._

 _She found herself searching for ways to feel better about herself. The solution she came to was that she needed to push herself to become the best at something. Then one day during a routine appendectomy, she had what she considered to be a brilliant idea for a trauma research study. She went to Romano and talked to him about it before she even talked to Carter._

 _Romano helped her compile her research proposal and she went in front of the hospital research committee, but they rejected her proposal because they didn't have the equipment or the money to support the study. It devastated her until Romano suggested she look outside of County General to fund her research._

 _Her search led her to several different places. It just happened that Cedars-Sinai was the place that offered her the best situation. She could do her research through their research center while also still performing a full surgical load. It was the perfect job…except it was across the country._

 _There was a knock on the door. Knowing it was Carter she got up, opened the door and smiled when she saw him. "Hey."_

" _Hey." He came in, kissing her quickly on his way. "So do you want to go grab dinner and see a movie tonight or do you want to stay in? Because either way is fine. It doesn't matter to me."_

" _Actually, we need to talk first." She figured she could do this at the beginning of the night or the end. But if she did it now she wouldn't be nervous the whole night._

" _That is one of the worst phrases in the world." He sighed. "What's going on?"_

 _She went over to the coffee table and picked up a folder. Then she handed it to him._

" _What is it?" He asked._

" _Please open it." She asked quietly. She watched as he slowly opened the folder. He shifted through some of the papers._

" _What…Lucy…" He paused. "What the hell is going on? You're moving to LA?"_

" _I have to." She sighed._

" _No." He snorted. "You don't have to."_

" _Carter…"_

" _NO!" He yelled and threw the folder onto the coffee table. "I don't want to hear about how this is the only way you'll be able to get your research study approved. I already gave you a way to do that while staying in Chicago."_

" _That's not a legitimate solution though." She argued, annoyed that he was bringing this up again. "That's you trying to buy your way into getting me to stay. I can't let you use your family's money to fund my research."_

" _Why not?" He sighed. "Forgive me for wanting to keep you with me." He scoffed. "I love you Lucy. I don't want you to move across the country."_

" _And I don't want to move across the country either." She told him. It was the truth. It broke her heart that this opportunity would take her away from him._

" _You sure have a funny way of showing it." He scoffed again. "You could have fooled me considering you signed the employment agreement already."_

" _But I haven't faxed it back yet." She told him._

" _Why not?"_

" _I wanted to talk to you first." She knew she was going to take the job and she had already verbally agreed to take the job. The form was just a formality._

" _Seems like you have already made up your mind." He sighed._

" _I love you, John." She told him, using his real name for a change to prove she was serious. "Really! I do."_

" _If you love me, then why do you want to leave me?" He asked. "Why are you so hell-bent on leaving our relationship?"_

" _Trust me…" She sighed. "The last thing I want to do is leave you and I definitely don't want to leave our relationship. But I have to do this for myself. I don't know why you can't understand that."_

" _Because it makes no sense!"_

" _It makes sense to me!" She yelled back._

" _Marry me!" He yelled without thinking._

" _What?" She couldn't have heard him right. But she thought he just yelled a marriage proposal at her._

" _Marry me." He repeated, this time softer. "I love you and you love me. We should get married."_

 _She looked at him like he was crazy. "I just told you I'm thinking of moving to LA and your solution is for us to get married?" She shook her head. "You know, first you try to use your grandmother and your family's money to bribe me to stay…now you're trying to bribe me with the promise of getting married. What is wrong with you?"_

" _I'm not trying to bribe you!" He exclaimed angrily. "I'm trying to spend the rest of my life with you."_

" _And you chose this moment to ask? You really thought this was the right time to bring it up?" She scoffed. "You can't be serious."_

 _It was insane for him to yell a marriage proposal at her in the middle of a fight._

" _I'm 100% serious!" He yelled. "I think you are the one who isn't serious about us."_

" _Why don't you come with me?" She asked softly after being quiet for a moment. She had thought about it a lot today and it seemed like something worth mentioning. "I'm sure that you could get a job there too, and if you can't at that hospital there are a bunch of them close by. We could still be together and even be together in much nicer weather."_

" _My life is here." He told her. "My family, my career, my friends…everything is here."_

" _But I'll be in LA." She pointed out. "What about my career? You are on track to rise through the ranks of the hospital if you want. Don't I deserve a chance to go out and excel…to do great things and see where life takes me?"_

" _So you care about your career more than you care about us." He sighed. "That's great to know. You're really being selfish."_

" _That's not what I said." She protested. He seemed to be taking what she said and twisting it around._

" _Yeah, it actually is." He walked around her to get to the door._

" _Please don't leave." She pleaded. "We're not done."_

" _Yeah, we actually are done, Lucy…for good." Without another word he opened the door and slammed it shut behind him._

 _After he slammed the door, she thought about running after him…she thought about apologizing and asking him to forgive her for even thinking of moving to LA. Maybe he was right and she was being selfish for wanting to advance her own career. But didn't see have a right to be selfish? Didn't she have the right to want to pursue her dreams and try to get her goals accomplished?_

 _Why couldn't he see that she could still love him but also want to pursue this for her career? The two things were not mutually exclusive._

 _She stood there with tears flowing from her eyes because she didn't know if their relationship would be able to survive this. That's when she looked down and saw a pool of blood forming. Suddenly she felt pain and saw that the blood was coming from her chest. She fell to the floor, gasping for air._

Lucy's eyes flew open and she could feel herself gasping for air. The continual beeping of the machines around her reminded her that she was safe and in the hospital. It seemed reasonable to conclude that her nightmare combined her two worst moments—when Carter walked out on her and when she was shot.

That's when she looked over at the chair next to her bed.

He was slouched in the chair, clearly asleep. His hair was still very wet and she figured he had showered in the hospital. She was elated that he was no longer in police custody. From what Elizabeth had told her earlier, it had been almost two days since her shooting. If Carter was arrested at the scene, he was in jail for two days.

She wondered if he was mad at her. He was here at her bedside, but was he here as a friend? As something more? As someone mad at her for not being able to clear his name sooner and get him freed?

She wanted to believe that maybe he truly did care about her. But maybe he was here because he felt bad for her. It was possible that he just wanted to see how she was doing and ended up falling asleep. Anything was possible at this point.

She could feel her eyelids getting heavy again and prayed that this time she would have nicer dreams.

* * *

Carter stretched after waking up. He didn't mean to fall asleep and looked at his watch. He was out for a couple of hours. After he got a shower and changed clothes he came up to her room and checked her chart. He was amazed at everything she had been through and survived.

She was always stronger than she seemed.

He looked over at Lucy and smiled. She looked peaceful when she slept. It was one of the things he missed about being with her. He used to wake up before her all the time and just watch her sleep and wonder what she was dreaming about. He hoped she was having good dreams.

He lightly grabbed her hand and brought it up to his lips for a soft kiss before putting it back down on the bed. Moments later, he noticed that her eyes were fluttering open.

"Hey." He greeted. "I'm sorry if I woke you up. How are you feeling?"

She slowly pointed to her trach.

"Oh yeah." He chuckled. "I completely forgot."

She then pointed to the table. He looked and saw a dry erase board and a marker. He picked it up and handed it to her, watching as she wrote.

 _I've felt better, but I've recently also felt worse._

"Is there anything I can get you?"

 _No._

There was an awkward pause as Lucy stared at her board and he stared at her. Then he saw her writing.

 _I'm really sorry the police thought you shot me. And I'm also sorry that I wasn't able to let them know that you were innocent sooner. I'm sure it wasn't fun to be in jail for so long. I hope you can forgive me._

It broke his heart that she thought he would be mad at her for it. But he understood why she would feel that way. He had been extremely short-tempered with her.

"Luce…you don't have to apologize. It wasn't your fault."

 _Why were you at my apartment in the first place?_

"Elizabeth gave me your address." He confessed. "I was coming to talk to you about your resignation and your decision to move."

 _You wanted to celebrate I was leaving?_

He sighed and shook his head. "No."

 _Relax. It was a joke, Carter._

"It isn't a funny joke." He told her softly. "I wanted to try and get you to stay." He could see the confusion in her eyes. "Lucy, I still…

Before he could say anything else, the door opened and Abby came in.

"Hi!" Abby greeted with a smile. Then she looked at the two of them and the smile faltered. "Did I interrupt something?"

"Yes." He answered at the same time Lucy held up the board.

 _No. Carter was just leaving._

He looked at the board and shook his head. "I wasn't planning on leaving."

 _Please?_

He sighed. "Alright." He leaned over and placed a kiss on her forehead. "I'll be back though."

"It's nice to see you got out of jail." Abby joked as he passed by.

"Yeah, I know." He chuckled, shaking his head.


	10. Friends

The Things That Keep Us Apart

Chapter Ten

"How is that?" Robert asked after he was done taking out the trach the next morning.

"Much better." Lucy whispered.

"Here. Have some water. It will help with the soreness." He handed her a cup with a straw.

"Thanks."

"How are you doing?" He asked, taking off his gloves and sitting next to her.

"Alright, considering everything that has happened." She said after taking a drink. "I'm glad to talk now, even if it does hurt."

"Well you know that will go away soon." He reminded her. "So, Carter came by last night?"

She nodded.

"How did that go?"

She sighed. "He's being nice to me."

He laughed. "Wasn't that what you wanted since you moved back here?"

"I wanted him to be nice to me because he wanted to. I just feel like he's being nice to me because of what happened. Being a jerk to me right now after I got shot and almost died would make him look like a complete ass." She replied.

"I guess it is a possibility." He nodded. "But if it means anything…he did seem genuinely concerned about you last night."

She couldn't help but laugh, which was a mistake because it caused pain. "Ow..."

"You ok?" He asked.

"Yeah." She assured him. "But has Hell frozen over? Because you just said something about Carter that wasn't snarky."

"I know." He sighed. "And it leaves a very bitter taste in my mouth. But for some strange reason you seem to love the idiot. And since I want you to be happy, I shouldn't be constantly belittling him…at least that is what Elizabeth told me this morning over coffee."

Lucy smiled. "Remind me to thank Elizabeth." She stared at him for a moment.

"What?" He laughed. "Is there something on my face?"

"No." She shook her head. "It's just…you really love her, don't you?"

"Elizabeth?" He asked.

"Yeah." She nodded. "I mean, I knew you loved her…I just don't think I ever realized how much until now. I'm really happy for you. You both deserve happiness and I'm glad you found it."

She could tell he was about to say something when the door slid open. She looked over and saw Carter standing in the doorway.

"Hey." He smiled at her. "You got the trach out!"

"Yeah." She said, watching as he came to stand on the other side of her bed.

"Well I should probably go check on my department...make sure everything is still running smoothly." Romano said, standing up. "I'll be back to check on you in a while."

"Sounds good." Lucy smiled, though a part of her wished he would stay. It was awkward being here with Carter. He just kept smiling at her and it was weird.

After Romano left, she watched as Carter walked over and sat in the chair.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Ok." She shrugged before realizing she should probably be truthful. "Actually, everything hurts and I've never felt this helpless in my entire life. But at least I'm not dead so that's something."

"It's going to get better, Luce." He grabbed a hold of her hand. "It's just going to take some time."

She stared at the hand he was holding and then at his face. There was a genuine look of concern there and, without thinking she pulled her hand back and asked him a series of questions.

"Why are you here right now? Why are you being so nice to me? And why do you ever care?" She watched his face contort out of surprise.

"I…"

"I'm sorry." She apologized, immediately regretting her questions. "I just…when we talked the last time we didn't leave on good terms. If you're just being nice to me because of what happened, then you can leave. Because you don't need to try and be nice to keep from having a guilty conscience."

"No." He assured her. "You have nothing to be sorry about. And I'm not trying to ease a guilty conscience. I just…I came to your place that night to try and convince you not to leave."

"You said that last night. But I find that kind of hard to believe."

"It's the truth though." He said.

There was something in his eyes that made her trust he was telling the truth.

"I wanted to talk…really talk about our relationship without any anger or snarkiness. I wanted to go through it with a fine tooth comb and see if…maybe there was any way we could possibly start again."

"You're joking, right?" She laughed until she saw that he seemed serious.

"No." He shook his head. "I wanted to start over again. When I realized you wanted to move away because of how I've treated you, I felt horrible. Then I realized if I let you leave, you wouldn't come back this time. It scared me. I know I've been horrible to you since you moved back. I've been nothing but mean. I haven't let you talk…really talk to me and I basically cut you out of my life."

He paused for a moment. "Then I found you that night…I saw all of the blood and I couldn't help but think I had lost you forever…the time I spent in that jail cell was excruciating because I didn't know if you were dead or alive. Thinking you might be dead made me…well I realized that life is too short for us to act like idiots."

She snorted. "I've been an idiot?"

"No." He chuckled. "I've been the idiot."

"I probably haven't been a genius either though." She admitted. She could tell that Carter was being sincere, which only made things more difficult.

"I love you Lucy." He told her. "I always have and I always will. And I know you probably don't want to deal with this right now after everything that you have been through but I have to say it anyway. I want to be with you and when you're ready I want to start over."

She stayed quiet after hearing that. It wasn't what she expected. While everything he was saying was what she had been waiting to hear him say for months, she couldn't seem to be thrilled by it. Too many negative thoughts ran through her mind.

What if he was just saying this because she almost died? What if he was just feeling guilty for the way he had been treating her? Would any of this had happened if she hadn't gotten shot?

There was no way for her to know for sure what triggered his change in attitude towards her unless she blindly trusted him. Although he said he wanted to start over before he got to her place, she couldn't be sure of that. She wasn't ready to blindly trust anything.

And then there was the fact that she still had a lengthy recovery process to go through.

While she wanted to believe him…she wanted to smile and reunite with him…tell him she loved him too and live happily ever after…she wanted to kiss him and believe that they could start over and be happy…she found herself doubting it. She couldn't shake that feeling.

"What are you thinking?" He asked after she was silent for a while.

"I love you too." She told him softly. "But I don't know when or if I'd be ready to try and start again."

She briefly saw a pained look on his face before he masked it with an obviously fake smile and she knew that her words hurt him. But it was the truth. She didn't know exactly how long it would take for her to recover, and it didn't seem right to try and start over with him until she was better.

"I completely understand." He told her.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry." He told her. "Why don't we just start over as friends first?"

She thought about it for a moment and decided that would probably work better. "I think that is a better idea."

"Great." He smiled.

"Yeah." She smiled too. "Great."

* * *

"How was Lucy after you took the trach out?" Elizabeth asked as they ate lunch on the couch in Robert's office.

"Good." He replied, taking a sip of his drink. "She seems to be recovering well."

"It's going to take her a while to make a full recovery though." She pointed out.

"I was actually thinking about that earlier." He sighed. "I don't know how you are going to feel about this, but I was wondering what you thought about possibly having her come stay with us after she gets out of the hospital."

"Really?" She asked.

"Yeah." He searched her face for any clue about her thoughts on the matter but she had her poker face on and he couldn't tell a thing. "You know she will need help once she gets released from the hospital. She won't be able to do much for at least a week or two after being released. And to be honest, I don't feel comfortable with her going back to her apartment after what happened. I'm not sure she will want to go back either. I know I wouldn't. I thought that maybe having her come stay in our guest room would be the best thing…"

"Ok." She interrupted.

"Ok?" He questioned. "Just like that?"

"Just like that." She chuckled. "Why?"

"I guess I expected a little more of a fight to convince you." He admitted.

"It makes sense." She conceded. "She shouldn't have to go back to that apartment. And you are right. She will need help after she gets released. I don't relish having a houseguest, but since it is Lucy I don't mind as much."

"You're amazing." He smiled.

"I try." She smirked.

"You succeed." He leaned over and gave her a kiss.

* * *

"You are looking much better today." Abby told her later that day.

"Thanks." Lucy smiled.

"So…what's new other than getting the trach out and being able to talk again?" She asked as she sat down.

Lucy shook her head. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Oh come on!" Abby laughed. "Now you have to tell me!"

"Carter came back this morning." Lucy told her. "He said he still loves me and wants to start over."

"That's great news!" Abby smiled. "Isn't it? Why aren't you happier about this? I thought that's what you wanted."

"Because after everything that has happened, I don't know what to do…I don't know what to think or what to feel…"

"Well I think that is normal. You have been through a lot."

"And yeah, hearing Carter tell me that he loves me has been what I've been waiting and praying for. I just…it's coming at the worst possible time." She explained.

"What are you worried about?"

"Everything." She told her friend. "What if it doesn't work out? What if does work out? What if he is only saying this as a knee-jerk reaction to my shooting? What if the issues we had before come up again and tear us apart? What if too much time has passed and we aren't the same people who fell in love years ago? What if he is just in love with the person I used to be and not the one I am now?"

"Wow." Abby stopped her. "You weren't kidding when you said you were worried about everything. Your list sounds a lot like mine when I can't stop the negative thoughts."

"How do you stop them?"

"I used to stop them with tons of alcohol." Abby laughed. "But that doesn't help so I don't recommend that. Honestly there is no sure-fire way to stop the negative thoughts. But in the end here is the deal. You have to do what you feel is best for yourself and what will make you happy. What do you think will make you happy?"

"Being back together with him has been the thing I have been focusing on for a long time. It's what I've focused on to make me happier. But…" She trailed off.

"But what?" Abby asked.

"I'm afraid." Lucy replied. "I can't help it and I can't stop it. What do you know about my relationship with him?"

"I know that you two dated for about a year or so before you moved away."

"Did you know that at one time, before we started dating, I was assigned to be his med student?" She knew that Abby started working in the ER after her rotation in the ER was over but wasn't sure if Carter had ever told her the whole story of their relationship.

Abby chuckled. "No. I didn't know that."

"We didn't get along very well at that time…" She laughed. "Except for one time when we made out in exam room six."

"Seriously?" Abby asked.

"Yeah." Lucy nodded. "But other than that, we argued a lot. I always felt like I was some annoying little kid bugging him all the time."

"So how did you two end up dating?"

"I eventually started my surgical rotation. We didn't see each other every day anymore and I found myself bumping into him a seemingly random times. Eventually he asked me if I wanted to get coffee to catch up on everything. We went to get coffee and coffee turned into dinner…dinner turned into movies…movies turned into a relationship."

She stopped for a moment to collect her thoughts. "I fell hard and I fell fast in love with him…and it haunts me every day that I didn't just say yes either times he said marry me."

"Why didn't you?" Abby asked softly. "I mean, it isn't hard for anyone to see you love him. What stopped you?"

"I've always had this nagging feeling in my stomach that I'm not good enough for him." Lucy admitted, trying to keep the tears at bay. "When we met he was already farther established as a doctor than I was…he had a reputation for being great. And I saw it on a daily basis. He's a wonderful doctor and a wonderful guy."

"After we started dating, there were whispers around the hospital that we had secretly been dating while I was his med student and that I went after him in order to pass my rotation. He of course didn't pay any attention to it. He thought it didn't matter because the accusations were untrue…but it bother me."

"Of course it would bother you." Abby chimed in.

"It made me look terrible…and I couldn't shake the feeling that everyone was judging me. I really tried to let it go. And I thought I had made peace with my insecurities until I went with him to a Carter Foundation fundraiser where I met his parents. And his mother…well let's just say she had a lot of opinions about why I wasn't good enough for her son."

"Lucy, you can't let her…"

"I know." Lucy interrupted. "I shouldn't have let her get into my head. But I did, and I started thinking that I had to find a way to distinguish myself…to make a difference and make a name for myself in a way Carter hadn't. So when I thought of my research study I poured everything I had into it. I wanted it to succeed so badly so I could feel like I could actually feel worthy of being with him."

"But then the hospital board denied my study and it crushed me. I became solely focused on how I could get it approved so I could prove to myself I was good enough. And that obsession with trying to make a name for myself destroyed my relationship with him."

"Did you ever tell him any of this?" Abby asked.

"No." She shook her head. "I was always too afraid to tell him. I was going to tell him when I moved back but then he wasn't talking to me."

"I think you should tell him everything."

"Maybe." She admitted. "He suggested that since I'm not ready for anything more right now, that we just be friends. Maybe that is all we should be. Maybe too much has happened for us to get back together."

"Or maybe you just need to focus on your recovery and then see where you stand with him." Abby suggested.

"Maybe." Lucy nodded as Abby's pager went off.

"I'm sorry. They need me downstairs." She apologized.

"It's fine." Lucy smiled. "We can always talk later."

"I'll come see you after my shift ends."

"Ok." She watched her friend leave and then sighed. After a few minutes she realized that Abby was right. She needed to focus on getting better and then reevaluate where things stood with Carter.

A/N: Sorry for the shameless plug, but I have another Carter/Lucy story called "Gamble Everything For Love" that I started about a week ago. If you haven't checked it out yet, you might want to! Thanks!


	11. Wedding

The Things That Keep Us Apart

Chapter Eleven

Two Months Later

Lucy stared at herself in the mirror. The cream colored dress she wore hugged her curves perfectly and the light purple flowers in her hair were a nice compliment. It felt like it almost drew enough attention away from the scar she had because of the trach. The wound healed perfectly and the scar wasn't too bad thanks to her amazing surgeons. But it still was a constant reminder of what she had been through and how close she came to dying.

Normally for an occasion like this she would have worn a spaghetti strap dress, but with the scar on her chest she opted for a bateau neckline to cover it. As her gaze stayed on herself in the mirror, she thought back to the events of the last two months.

Paul Sobriki was found by the police four days after the shooting. He was taken into custody and it didn't take long for the police to realize that he was mentally ill. He kept telling them that Lucy had been helping the aliens bug his apartment and that she was part of the conspiracy to hurt him.

Before the police could get him transferred to a mental facility, he committed suicide by stealing an officers' gun and shooting himself in the head. While she was glad she didn't have to worry about him coming after her again, she felt bad that he was dead.

Romano had been helping her run the research center while she recovered and she appreciated his help. Millicent Carter had given her donation and had even stopped by about a week after the shooting.

 _Lucy looked over when she heard a knock on the door. "Come in." She said. It was a surprise to see Millicent Carter standing in her hospital room._

" _Hello." Millicent smiled. "Is now a bad time?"_

" _No." Lucy shook her head. "Please, come in."_

 _The older lady came farther into the room, stopping at the side of her bed. "I won't stay long because I'm sure you need your rest. But John told me everything that you have been through and I wanted to come and check on you. How are you feeling?"_

" _I'm ok." Lucy gave the woman a small smile. Millicent was just staring at her intently. She chuckled. "Alright. I'm not ok. But I will be eventually." She wondered if Carter had told his Gamma about how a police misunderstanding led him to be arrested and in jail for several hours. Judging by the concerned and not angry look on her face, she would guess he left that part out of the story._

" _You've been through a lot. I can only imagine what you have been going through." Millicent stated. "But I know you are a strong, capable woman and you can get through this."_

" _Thank you." She smiled genuinely. "It means a lot to me to hear you say that."_

" _I also wanted to let you know that I have sent over my donation check for the center. I know that isn't your first concern right now, but I thought you might want to know. Given the circumstances, I didn't think it would be right to put conditions on the donation anymore. After all, I only did it in the first place so that you and John would spend more time together and hopefully realize how pig-headed you two are being."_

" _I appreciate the donation." Lucy told her. She purposely ignored the comment about her and Carter being pig-headed._

" _I don't pretend to know or understand what has happened between you and my grandson. You two seemed like a great couple and you obviously still care about each other. But I do know that you are doing an excellent job running the center and you deserve the opportunity to continue running it. Are you staying in Chicago after you recover? John said something about the possibility of you leaving town?"_

" _I don't know." She answered honestly. It felt like an eternity since the day she told Romano she was leaving town, though it was only a week ago. She knew she would eventually have to figure out what she was doing, but as of right now she wasn't sure about most things in her life. The only thing she knew for certain was she would be getting out of the hospital in two days as long as everything continued to proceed the way it was._

" _Well I know I don't get a vote, but if I did I would vote for you to stay." Millicent smiled. "I think you can do some truly great things with this center and I would love to be a part of that."_

" _I'll keep that in mind."_

" _Good. I'll let you get some more rest. If you need anything, please let me know."_

" _Thank you." Lucy nodded. "And thank you for coming by today."_

That meeting was unexpected, but it was sweet of Millicent to stop by. She had also called a couple of times over the past two months to check on her recovery.

After she was released from the hospital, she went to stay with Romano and Elizabeth It was an odd arrangement and there were many times she felt like a third wheel in their relationship. But she did appreciate them saving her from having to go back to her apartment. It was also nice to have some help. She had a nurse stop by for a couple of hours while they were at work and then they were able to help her the rest of the time.

Once they got into a rhythm, things went smoothly. About a month ago, they decided that they wanted to get married.

" _So Elizabeth and I have come to a decision." Romano said at the breakfast table one morning. He then stopped talking and looked at Elizabeth._

 _Lucy looked at both of them. "Ok. What's the decision?"_

" _We are going to get married." Elizabeth smiled._

" _Seriously?" Lucy exclaimed. "That's wonderful! Congratulations!"_

" _Thank you." Elizabeth said. "I was hoping you would be happy about it because I have a favor to ask you."_

" _Sure. Anything. Name it." She smiled._

" _Would you mind being our wedding planner?"_

" _Really?" She looked at them strangely. "Me?"_

" _Well it's just that we want to get married as quickly as possible…" Elizabeth explained. "We don't want a very big wedding, but we want it to be special. And you have more free time than we do right now…"_

" _It would mean a lot to us if you could help us pull this off." Romano interjected._

" _Well when did you want to get married?" Lucy asked._

" _Within the next month." Romano answered._

" _You want me to plan a wedding in a matter of a couple of weeks? I have never even planned a wedding before…yet alone in this short time frame…"_

" _If anyone can do it, it would be you." Elizabeth smiled._

 _Lucy thought about it for a moment. Planning their wedding on such short notice would be difficult. But it would be a good way to pay them back for everything they had done for her. They saved her life after the shooting and then took her in so she could recover surrounded by friends. This was the least she could do for them._

" _Ok." She nodded. "I'll do it and it will be the best damn wedding you've ever seen."_

It wasn't easy to plan their wedding, but she somehow got it done in time.

"Are you sure you should be standing so much right now?" Romano asked as he came out of the bathroom and into the common area.

"I'm fine." She assured him, walking away from the mirror. "You can stop worrying about me."

"I doubt that I will ever stop worrying about you." He confessed.

While she wasn't feeling 100% yet, she was getting stronger every day. She planned on moving out while they were on their honeymoon so they could come back and be alone in the house again. She also was going to start back at work. "You look very handsome."

He walked over to the mirror and readjusted his tuxedo jacket. "I don't understand why I am so nervous."

"I think it's normal to be nervous." She assured him.

"Is it also normal to feel incredibly nauseous?" He laughed.

"I think so." She chuckled. "But if you still have doubts, I can easily Google it and double check."

"You're a good best woman." He complimented, looking over at her.

"Thanks." She smiled. It caught her off guard when he asked her to be his best man. It made sense though because she was closer to him than she was to Elizabeth. And while Elizabeth could choose any number of women to be her maid of honor, Romano didn't have many close friends. So she accepted on the condition that he didn't call her his best man. Hence, the term best woman was coined.

She looked at her watch. "It is almost time. Do you mind if I go check on Elizabeth and make sure we are going to be ready to start on time?"

"No." He shook his head. "I'll be fine."

"Alright." She smiled. "I'll be back in a moment."

She left his room and walked across the back of the church. People were filing into the church and she smiled at all of them. Then she saw Carter, dressed in a black suit. He looked wonderful and she felt her heart skip a beat.

Over the past two months, he had been coming over and spending time with her every Thursday. Usually he would bring dinner over and they just watched television or a movie. Sometimes they talked afterwards, but they never talked about anything important... like his admission that he loved her or what happened between them in the past.

It was nice spending time with him, but she wasn't fooling herself that they could find a way to be together. A lot had happened between them and those wounds don't heal overnight. She knew that eventually they would have to talk about that stuff. For now though, she was enjoying his friendship.

"Hey." He smiled. "You look wonderful."

"Thanks." She fidgeted slightly. "You look great too. But you know, it's not fair that all a guy has to do to look good is put on a suit, while women have to put on a dress, fix their hair and makeup and then accessories."

"When you put it that way, I don't think that's fair either." He laughed.

"Well you might want to go find a seat. I'm checking on Elizabeth and the wedding will start soon."

"Ok." He nodded. "Is there any chance you might save me a dance later on at the reception?"

"Possibly." She told him. "Now if you'll excuse me…" She didn't wait for his answer before taking off. She got to Elizabeth's door and knocked.

The door opened slightly and Abby poked her head out. "Oh good. It's just you. Come on in."

She came into the room and saw Elizabeth standing there in a beautiful A-line cut dress. "Oh my God. You look so beautiful!"

"Really?" Elizabeth chuckled. "I feel a little silly."

"You look great." Abby assured her.

"How is Robert doing?" Elizabeth asked. "Is he nervous?"

"Um…I feel like he would want me to say no so he could seem more manly, but he is pretty nervous." Lucy chuckled. "It's not that he is having second thoughts or anything. I think he is just nervous about going out there and proclaiming his love for you in front of a whole bunch of people he knows."

"I feel the same way." She admitted.

"It is time to start the ceremony though. Are you ready?" Lucy asked.

"I'm ready." Elizabeth nodded.

She went over and gave Elizabeth a hug. "Ok. I'll go get everyone in their places and we'll start in a few minutes."

* * *

Later on in the evening, the dance floor was crowded as people were getting up and dancing. Lucy sat at the head table, watching her friends dance. She took a sip of her water and then smiled, glad that she was able to be here to witness this. Everyone seemed to be having a great time.

A few moments later she saw Carter out of the corner of her eye. He sat next to her and she turned her head. "Hey."

"Hey." He greeted back. "What is a pretty woman like you doing sitting here all alone at a wedding?"

She couldn't help but laugh at that. "Beats me."

"Would you like to dance?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "I wonder who I can get to dance with me. You think Jerry would dance with me? Maybe Cleo might let me dance with Peter for a song?"

Carter laughed. "Ah, that's funny. You know I meant dance with me though."

"I know." She smirked.

He stood up and held out his hand for her to take. They made their way to the dance floor as a slow song came on.

It felt both awkward and comforting when he wrapped his arm around her waist. They swayed to the beat of the song and she laid her head on his shoulder. Being in his arms and dancing like this reminded her of a time when they had first gotten together.

" _Hey Luce?"_

" _Yeah." She said as she put down the dish she was washing. She turned to see him in the doorway to the kitchen._

" _Come dance with me." He said, turning on some slow blues music._

" _Seriously?" She laughed. "I'm doing the dishes right now."_

" _Take a break." He encouraged. "Come dance with me."_

 _She sighed and put down the washcloth. Then she wiped her wet hands on her jeans and walked to him. He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her as close to him as he could. "You're crazy, you know that, right?"_

" _Why is wanting to dance with you so crazy?" He chuckled as they swayed to the slow beat._

" _I just don't know why it couldn't wait until after the dishes were done."_

" _I didn't want to wait another moment to have you in my arms again." He said, staring into her eyes._

"The ceremony was nice." He said, drawing her out of her reverie.

"Yeah." She agreed. "It was good."

"You did a wonderful job with this wedding."

"Thank you." She smiled. It meant a lot to her that he would say that.

"Are you still moving out of their place tomorrow?"

"Yes." She nodded. "It's time I get out of their way. Don't get me wrong…it was amazing and wonderful of them to let me stay with them while I recovered. But I can function on my own again and since they are coming back next week as newlyweds they need some privacy."

"What are you…I mean…are you going back to…"

"No." She interrupted him. She realized what he was trying to ask. "I thankfully was on a month to month basis with that apartment. So I found a new one and am having movers do all the work getting everything out of there."

"Good." He sighed. "Would you like any help getting your stuff out of their house and settled in your new place? I have tomorrow off. I could help you."

"I'll be fine." She assured him. "I have movers that are doing everything for me. But thank you for offering."

"Luce…

She pulled back a little so she could see his face. "What?" He was staring at her face.

"Nothing." He finally said.

"No, what is it?" She asked with a chuckle.

"Nothing." He shook his head. "Just forget it."

"I can't because I want to know what you were about to say."

He sighed. "I just…"

"Lucy!" Romano came up to them. "Carter, do you mind if interrupt and steal Lucy away for a moment?"

"No." Carter shook his head, pulling away from her completely. "She's all yours."

She was torn. She wanted to be a good best woman but she also wanted to run after Carter and see what was bothering him. She felt like she still knew him well and it seemed like there was a look on his face that meant something was troubling him. She decided she would see what Romano wanted and then go after Carter.

"What's up?" She asked, putting a smile on her face.

"Elizabeth and I are going to be leaving in a moment and I wanted to take this time to thank you for everything you did getting this set up. It was beautiful and just what we wanted."

"I'm glad." She smiled. "You two deserved a day like this."

He stared at her for a moment before enveloping her in a quick hug. It was the first time he had ever given her a hug. In fact, the only person she had ever seen him hug was Elizabeth.

"We will see you when we get back from Turks and Caicos." He told her.

"Yep." She nodded. "Enjoy the trip!"

"I think we will." He winked at her before leaving to find his wife.

Lucy looked around the ballroom to find Carter. She couldn't find him so she started to walk around the room. After making a complete trip around, she returned to her starting place without finding him.

"What are you doing?" Abby said as she and Luca approached Lucy.

"I'm looking for Carter but I seemed to have lost him." She chuckled.

"Oh, he actually just left about ten minutes ago." Luca volunteered.

"Really?" She sighed. "Great."

"Sorry." Luca apologized.

"It's ok." Lucy waved it off. "It's just that we were in the middle of something but got interrupted."

"Something romantic?" Abby smirked.

Lucy couldn't help but roll her eyes. "We were just talking."

"Darn." Abby chuckled.

Lucy thought about it for a moment and made up her mind. "I bet he went home. I'm going to go after him."

"Have fun." Abby called after her.

Lucy just laughed as she left the ballroom. Abby had been telling her in not so subtle ways that she should get back together with Carter. She still felt like things between them were complicated. But the curiosity she had about what he wanted to tell her earlier was too strong to ignore. So she had to go after him.


End file.
